adhamlyn

hey gang. we're here again on a fine pissy rainy morning in the heart of the ozarks. in the heart of america. and i must say i have a lot to write about today. so go grab a cup of coffee take a few drinks pour some on the screen for me, and lets get to it.

first sara'h and I went out last night. went to dinner and a movie. i know i know, but hey we don't get out much since we broke but anywho, dinner was well i've had better, but the movie (Van Helsing) holy fucking shit batman that movie kicks ass in so many ways you gotta love one of them.
when we got home she's prancin' around the apartment all nekky and stuff. "we're not done with our date. all good dates end in sex.......it was a great date.

now for some sad news a friend of mine's grandpa past away last night at 6:30 pm. a moment of silence ...........
he will be missed.........

ok change of topic. i'm watching tv and the commercials are pissing me off. i'm finding that alot of things are pissing me off. please read the following all the way through before you get mad at me.
I'm tired of the media portraying men (white men) as idiots and simpering weak fools. i'm tired of the media portraying men in general in that light.
while i have nothing against equal rights for women so on and so forth. does that mean that now for ever i'm to be the butt of jokes just because i'm a man? does that mean i'm now to take on the role of bumbling idiot so a newly empowered woman can feel like a man? i hope not cause i don't know how to be anything other than what i am. I have long hair for a reason, In the middle ages it was seen as a symbol of strength and prowess. skilled fighters wore their hair long to prove that they were so good as to be able to fight and their opponent would not be able to grab their hair. among other things. I am a man strong and proud.
i hold no ill will toward women in fact i love them with all my heart. all women, but i see a trend that scares me. more and more i see men falling into a role that only brings shame to them and the rest of us. perhaps i'm just a maverick, perhaps i'm a throw back to an earlier time. an anachronism. so be it. I wasn't decended from knights to be seen as a fool. i wasn't decended from great leaders to be lead like a dog. so why should i tolerate being represented like that in the media. yes it is posible i'm blowing all this out of proportion and context. that may be, but it doe not change how i feel about it.

I'm finding that it is a rare occasion that i express myself. i get lost in my own thoughts and forget about what's going on in the world around me. I make jokes about cockroaches and BBQ sauce or some such silly thing people laugh and all is well for them. for a time, maybe one day i can say the same for me. oh sure i have good days. just like anyone else and i have my bad days. but always in the back of my mind, in the back of your mind lurks a darkness none can forget. nore can anyone give shape or voice to. it's different for each of us. each nightmare each terror takes a new form a new shape as we each view it. will we ever be rid of those things which threaten us? no probably not, but we can fight back fight through the terror.
the pain the guilt the sorrow. the shame. we each have to find our own way to do this. be it in a journal or to a friend. may I be that friend when you have need. because that IS my purpose here on earth. to be a shoulder to lean on when things seem bleak. to be a pillar you draw strength
from when you are weakened.
i'm the monkey jumping through the branches you laugh at when your sad.
the noble stag the gives you awe.
the fish that gives you food when you hunger.
the eagle that soars through the air.
I am the Tiger the rules the jungle
giving wisdom to those who seek it.
I am Hamlyn I am me.