Inspiration is a funny thing. When you least expect it, there it is. Yesterday I stumbled upon a little song in The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes. A diarrhea song.
Did you sing (a variant of) the diarrhea song when you were a little kid? (Apparently, there are MANY different versions of the diarrhea song, and kids love to come up with new ones. I somehow missed out on this important milestone of childhood). So I decided to write my own to make up for missing out way back then.
[Tangential aside: Nowadays I like to write things out with a real pen and real paper in a notebook first because I never know when I might accidentally delete what I've wrote. It's happened way too many times before. Anyone else?]
* * *
"A Philosophy Student's Tragic Day" by The Poo Poo Poet [uh, me!, duh! ;-) ]
//
When you're cramming some Camus
and you're really seeping through:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're contemplating Hume
and your bowels go vroom vroom:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're studying Descartes
and you're squeezing a liquid fart:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're poring over Locke
and your anus shoots volcanic rock:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're reviewing Rousseau
and you're really gonna blow:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're dissecting Popper
and let loose a showstopper:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're rationalizing Rand
and your rear is a big brass band:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're skimming Kierkegaard
and you're leaking old swiss chard:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
Ok, that's all I have so far. I could probably keep going, but I made myself stop so as not to inflict further digestive upset. :-D
* * *
And for the sake of comparison and it's funny as all hell, here is the song that I found so inspirational:
"From the Grad Schoolyard: The Diarrhea Song"
by Jake Swearingen, Edward Fairchild, and Sam King [from McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes]
//
When you're analyzing Joyce
and your butthole has no choice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're paraphrasing Bloom
and you're stinking up the room:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're quoting Schopenhauer
and release a dirty shower:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're citing Marcel Proust
and you feel that doo-doo juice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
//
When you're laughing at Voltaire
and you flood your underwear
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
* * *
This painting is "The Steadfast Philosopher" by Gerard von Hondhurst (1623).
"Look lady, see this feather? I have more important things to do than ogle your itty bitties."
xx
