adaire

inconsistent

after years of fighting,
crying,
wishing,
downing pills,
hopping from hospital bed to hospital bed,
therapy,
and heartbreaks
I've finally come to a point where I have
everything I've ever wanted.

why is it that I don't want it anymore?
why is it that I've never felt so alone?

I'm so amazingly happy with everything I have.
my friends are wonderful to me.
my job is okaymost days.
I love the people I work with.
I have the best boyfriend I could ever ask for.

I should be happy anyways
but I can't figure out what's wrong.

scared maybe?
it's quite possible I suppose.
it's just driving me crazy.
I don't know what to do,
how to feel,
what to say,
or how to act.

aaaah