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I had a dream that I cut off all my hair and then I was sad because I felt ruined.

I had another dream that was a montage of all the worst moments of my life-- times where I've felt the most angry, anguished, humiliated. I woke up angry at the people who were involved in those moments. Most of them I haven't had any contact with in years-- but I woke up this morning HATING them.

One of my very first journal entries on this site, last July, was about this plant that I'd recently bought. I can't keep plants alive for some reason-- I'm not attentive or nurturing enough or something. But I'd seen this plant and felt compelled to buy it and vowed that I would water it daily and otherwise look after it. It had these wierd little bulbous fuzzy green leaves with four or five little points on the end so they looked like the paws of some small green animal. I think the reason I neglect plants is because they seem more like decorative objects than living things. But this plant was so visibly alive. My journal entry was about how I'd had this plant for a month, of course completely forgotten about it, and came across it sitting in the windowsill one day. I went to pick it up-- and al the little paws just FELL OFF and I felt like I'd done something horrible.

I rediscovered the plant again a month ago when I was cleaning my room. It had been turned on it's side, dirt spilled out of its little pot, neglected and ignored for almost a year and a half. And yet, remarkably, one single little paw was still green on the shriveled stem. I moved it into the bathroom by the sink, where I'm reminded to water it every day. And it's recovered completely-- every day it seems bigger and healthier and has more leaves.

I'm going to go contemplate the symbolism of all of this-- you guys just entertain yourselves for a while, okay? Go look at some naked girls or something.