ada

My boobs hurt. I have a migraine. I hate being a girl right now. PMS sucks... although when I shoot my next set in a month or two I'm going to have to try and remember to time it for the day before my period-- my boobs are fucking huge right now. I keep checking myself out in the mirror (like the narcissistic pervert that I am.)

I'm depressed-- I had a very emotionally draining weekend. It's like... I've always dreamed of being with someone who is... like me... temperment-wise (?)... and now that I've found that person-- we can't seem to get along. That's a huge oversimplification and I know it doesn't make any sense. How can we be so alike and really be feeling some of the same things and yet be so unable to communicate the most basic empathy and compassion in an effective way? When one of us gets upset about something, the other gets upset too and instead of comforting each other we fight and both end up crying. We're both just completely UNABLE to talk to each other about how we're feeling and what's going on inside our heads. We have our own vague language for things: "I'm just not in a good mood" or "I'm not feeling well." Which means: "I'm in pain/depressed/angry/sad/irritated/guilty/ashamed/overwhelmed/leave me the fuck alone/i love you please come hold me/ go home/don't ever leave/???" On an emotional level it's all there-- it's in the eyes-- fear and pain and anger and guilt and compassion and redemption and acceptance and love... and we can't verbalize any of it. Which leaves it all unacknowleged. Which fuels doubt and insecurity. Which gives me a fucking headache.