acwildheart

You don't have the power to pull me apart
You don't have a contract on my heart
As you kiss the hand of the one who feeds your flame
Your voice fades across the ocean of deceit and pain

You can't burn the devil or compete with sin
The line that you walk is extremely thin
You can't burn the devil or mess with him
You don't play with fire and hope to win

Don't mess with me

Dogs D'Amour - "You Can't Burn The Devil" (1990)

I wasn't sure if I was even gonna come back on here again on Monday. Nothing to do with people on here you understand, it's just been a fucking awful week so far to be honest. It's still very possible I may be going away for a bit - today has at least been a bit better than the last few days but there's still a lot of dark feelings in here at the moment and I think they need to be sorted out.

Ironically this all started about an hour after I wrote my last entry - basically I went out to the supermarket to get a paper and came back to find my mum crying because my dad had sent her what is essentially a threatening e-mail insinuating he wants us to move out of the house so it can be sold and he can get half the proceeds. I should point out that my parents split up very messily about two years ago now. At the time I wasn't living at home (mainly because I'd got sick of the non-stop arguing) but due to my house-share going belly-up I moved back in with my mum about a year ago and have been living here since. Admittedly it's been very tough at times not least because when I first moved back her sole topic of conversation was to moan at me about what a bastard my dad is/was. At first I didn't want to believe her and just thought she was exaggerating but after seeing this, I dunno...

Two things I have decided. Firstly, I now intend to try and cut my dad out of my life full stop. Simply because I do not want to be associated with people who feel they can treat their own families like that. I am seriously fucking angry with him and, for the time being at least, want nothing more to do with him. As such I'm not going to answer his phone calls, e-mails or text messages and hopefully he'll get the point.

Secondly, I plan to move out as soon as the opportunity arises. I'm sick of living in dysfunction junction - just when I think everything's settled down between my folks, bang it all kicks off again. I don't need it and even if it involves shelling out half my wages on on a one-person flat (sadly all my other mates are either skint or have just moved to it's looking like this might be the way it's gotta be) it has to be done.

Add to this the fact that work has been even shittier than usual due to half the people sat near me clearly having nothing better to do than argue with each other (happily the main protagonist, a girl who sits two desks away from me and seems to be on a mission to make as many enemies in the company as possible by being the biggest pain in the arse imaginable, has been off today making things a bit more bearable) and the fact that the agency I co-run lost 90 on the gig we were putting on on Monday night due to it being the quiet season in Leeds (what made it more frustrating is that it was two excellent bands and a great night out if you were there) and you can see why I'm in a seriously nasty mood at the moment.

Ah well...at least it's payday today although due to the fact that I've only received two weeks' wages it looks like Stoke this weekend is a definite no-no for me (sorry to daisy, MorticiaJet and anyone else who I promised I'd be there to but it just ain't gonna happen with the way my money situation is). Sad, isn't it, the way that thing governs our lives whether we want it to or not.

I might be back on here soon or I might not. Don't wait around for me kids, I'm sure you've all probably got better things to do.

Laters,

Yorkie