acwildheart

Don't turn the light off and leave me
This bed feels cold and empty
The ghosts will come and get me
So won't you please save me, I'm scared
I need you to save me, I'm scared

So sorry to be trouble
But this room is like a jail
In the arms of love all fail
So won't you please save me, I'm scared
I need you to save me, I'm scared

Don't turn the light off and leave me
Without love I am empty
And you're the only one who'll have me
So won't you please save me, I'm scared
I need you to save me, I'm so scared

Gene - "Save Me I'm Yours" (1997)

So that's it then - the bridge is officially burned. Handed in my four weeks' notice on Monday and as of May 28th I shall no longer be employed. In my heart, I know it was the right thing to do (another month without a proper contract and I know the bank will start getting nasty with me) but there's still a little voice in the back of my head saying "Oh my god - what if I'm making the biggest mistake ever here?"

I guess the only thing I can do is just trust that I'm not and hope it goes well. It's better to do this now than regret it in five years' time I know but Christ, it feels like such a big step.

As you might have guessed, I've been feeling a bit low most of the week - not just because of the whole uncertainty about my future thing but also over being single. So nothing new there then (and it has to be said that going out and getting drunk as a means of alleviating it last night sure as hell wasn't the answer either) but...well, it all sort of started on Bank Holiday Monday when I was out drinking with some mates and got a case of the "four pint blues". General response was along the lines of that I shouldn't be so daft and that given my recent track record with the opposite sex in recent years (let's just say that the "flypaper for freaks" tag has been used in my direction regarding dating more than once) it's not like I've really been missing much by being single.

But I'd argue that I have - just because my recent girlfriends have generally been the sort of girls I should have left well alone doesn't mean that I don't miss having a girlfriend who could actually be described as a decent catch (not just in looks terms but as a person as well). It doesn't mean I don't miss going to the sweet shop in the city centre and picking up a bag of Jelly Belly beans with her then walking round the shops guzzling them like a couple of little kids. It doesn't mean that I don't miss sitting in front of the TV with someone on a Friday evening feeling like I'm not actually missing out by not being out on the town. And it doesn't mean that waking up in an empty bed on a morning knowing I may not speak to someone roughly my own age all day is any more fun.

...I'll stop there as I know I'm sounding like a whiny miserable bastard and am boring you. Sorry. I guess I just need some reassurance badly at this moment and I shouldn't be projecting like this.

On the bright side, I'm off to Stoke in a couple of weeks to see some old friends from Uni and meet up with daisy and munchkin for their "Resurrection" club night - hopefully there'll be a few more SG'ers there as well. Words have been said about turning it into a fully-blown SG meet but I guess that's kind of up to other people not me.

Anyway, hopefully when I update this next I'll be feeling slightly better. Hope everyone's okay.

Yorkie