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actuallynotyou

Florida

Member Since 2002

Followers 10 Following 4

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Monday May 05, 2003

May 5, 2003
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I just read that thread about the kid wanting to kill himself. I have to admit i'm a cynical asshole but, fuck him. I've been that depressed, I'd wager that prolly more than half this sight has been that depressed. When I wanted to killl myself I was alone and I knew for dam sure that nobody was coming and that I wasn't in a place where I could reach out even tho its the only thing I wanted. That shit reminds me of my mom who called me when she was going to kill herself. She didn't call me in a "please talk me down I need to remember something good in my life' she called me to let me know that she was unhappy and I should feel guilty about it b/c it was somehow my fault. My fault b/c I didn't approve of her girlfriend, who was a worthless piece of shit that had nothing to do with the fact that she was female. It had to do with the fact that she used to be a whore and had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. It had to do with the fact that she saw something she wanted, a happy family, came in and took it and ruined it. It had to do with the fact that you let your life be ruined by someone who wasn't worth it.

Right sorry about the tangent.

So my point was, I believe, that kid was just looking for the drama and attention. People like that never really kill themselves, the ones that do it and actually die are the one's who are quiet. The one's like me, who would fucking do it and you wouldn't know b/c people dont visit my house and no job would really care. Hell. I imagine that I would proably rot for at least a week before someone found me. Maybe more depending. Those fucking "sucidial gestures" just piss me off. The world is a fucked up place if the only way you can get the attention you need is to act like you are going to kill yourself.

That's the real problem. Nobody cares until its too late, or almost to late, but then once the crisis has past this poor fuck is still gonna be alone. And he will be a fauilre, b/c he can't even kill himself right.

"The drinks she'll have in a crowded room where everybody leaves too soon, I only hope that she'll remember me"
-Material Issue

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