Tis been lil while since I updated .... but then again I never said I update often 
Things have been... I dunno... up and down I suppose. The bad shit that all came to a head a few years ago .. I dunno.. I guess it destroyed my neutral balance for lack of a better description. Everyone has a neutral position they drift to; take away the outside stiuli .. nothing added to sway their emotional state and they will drift. Some are naturally happy, some are a little sad, a few are angry. I used to flote in the center.. not numb but just.. not emotional when left alone.
Not any more though. These day in the absence of talking to the few friends I care about, I tend to start to drift downwards, add in too much time to dwell on the past and I tend to sink pretty fast these days. Luckily I do have a few loving and caring friends that'll gimme a nudge if I let myself start to slide. Over the course of 3 years I lost the 9 closest friends I had had, the girl I was going to marry and the kid I didn't know I (almost) had. Thinks with David shooting himself while I was talking to him was a big blow but finding about the kid. I'm not going into all that stuff again... the point was.. I let myself get fractured. Almost anything I can shrug off, but not that much that fast. Fractured but not shattered.
Things were very bad but I met a great person who helped me alot. She kept me around long enough that I started to care again and so.. a year and a half later I'm slowly putting the pieces together. What doesn't kill you does make you stronger though The cracks and chinks that scar and mar what's left of me are slowly being filled, much as cracks in a stone fortress wall were once filled with molten iron, bolstering the overall strength. These days however, there are still a lot of holes in the wall.
Rebuilding is slow but it does progress. I suppose the moral of this pointless little diatribe is that for the last little while I've been very up and down.. a few moments of being happy interspaced with periods of being rather bleak. The biggest problem I face when I get down is the leash on my temper tends to grow a little... slack. While it may be good for my RP buddies who are fond of stroking me dark side and trying to get me to be.. evil for lack of a better word... it isn't that good for me here. I look around and I find even the most petty stupid shite I ignore most of the time.. grating on me nerves. A part of me knows it's simply emotional tranference.. shifting the depression to anger, and also old pent up anger rising up as well. For all that I know exactly what it is and why.. it doens't make it easier to force back under control. I dunno... the point of all this? I'm in a tad bit of an emotional flux.. I'll either be happy or I'll be a lil down and rather pissy... I suppose one just has to take a chance and see which way the coin lands...
Baring all that shite above that i have o vent on occasion.. nothing much new. It seems that the job I applied for a month ago doing airport security might (MAYBE) happen.... apparently my background check came back good. Gotta go take a two and a half !!!!!!! hour test on a puter then... I guess I wait to see if I get a call after that. I haven't done any type of security in ages and never this kind of shite. Me.. an airport security nazi.. lol. I'll be very unhappy when they (I'm sure) make me take out my piercings but.. whatever.. at this point I NEED work.... aesthetic modifications can be redone later. The last bit of ink I got done (Royo piece on me back for those who are keeping tabs ) I'd post pics here but.. I'm REALLY lazy.. other than the pics already here.. just ask... I'm sure I have pics in me photobucket account hehe
Acid
Things have been... I dunno... up and down I suppose. The bad shit that all came to a head a few years ago .. I dunno.. I guess it destroyed my neutral balance for lack of a better description. Everyone has a neutral position they drift to; take away the outside stiuli .. nothing added to sway their emotional state and they will drift. Some are naturally happy, some are a little sad, a few are angry. I used to flote in the center.. not numb but just.. not emotional when left alone.
Not any more though. These day in the absence of talking to the few friends I care about, I tend to start to drift downwards, add in too much time to dwell on the past and I tend to sink pretty fast these days. Luckily I do have a few loving and caring friends that'll gimme a nudge if I let myself start to slide. Over the course of 3 years I lost the 9 closest friends I had had, the girl I was going to marry and the kid I didn't know I (almost) had. Thinks with David shooting himself while I was talking to him was a big blow but finding about the kid. I'm not going into all that stuff again... the point was.. I let myself get fractured. Almost anything I can shrug off, but not that much that fast. Fractured but not shattered.
Things were very bad but I met a great person who helped me alot. She kept me around long enough that I started to care again and so.. a year and a half later I'm slowly putting the pieces together. What doesn't kill you does make you stronger though The cracks and chinks that scar and mar what's left of me are slowly being filled, much as cracks in a stone fortress wall were once filled with molten iron, bolstering the overall strength. These days however, there are still a lot of holes in the wall.
Rebuilding is slow but it does progress. I suppose the moral of this pointless little diatribe is that for the last little while I've been very up and down.. a few moments of being happy interspaced with periods of being rather bleak. The biggest problem I face when I get down is the leash on my temper tends to grow a little... slack. While it may be good for my RP buddies who are fond of stroking me dark side and trying to get me to be.. evil for lack of a better word... it isn't that good for me here. I look around and I find even the most petty stupid shite I ignore most of the time.. grating on me nerves. A part of me knows it's simply emotional tranference.. shifting the depression to anger, and also old pent up anger rising up as well. For all that I know exactly what it is and why.. it doens't make it easier to force back under control. I dunno... the point of all this? I'm in a tad bit of an emotional flux.. I'll either be happy or I'll be a lil down and rather pissy... I suppose one just has to take a chance and see which way the coin lands...
Baring all that shite above that i have o vent on occasion.. nothing much new. It seems that the job I applied for a month ago doing airport security might (MAYBE) happen.... apparently my background check came back good. Gotta go take a two and a half !!!!!!! hour test on a puter then... I guess I wait to see if I get a call after that. I haven't done any type of security in ages and never this kind of shite. Me.. an airport security nazi.. lol. I'll be very unhappy when they (I'm sure) make me take out my piercings but.. whatever.. at this point I NEED work.... aesthetic modifications can be redone later. The last bit of ink I got done (Royo piece on me back for those who are keeping tabs
) I'd post pics here but.. I'm REALLY lazy.. other than the pics already here.. just ask... I'm sure I have pics in me photobucket account hehe
Acid
Here's to holes in the wall, and to the adventures that fill them. Been very slack lately, but I'm still around. More than a few dilemmas on my end as well. Can't even begin to imagine how many rounds have gone through my M&P 40. That takes care of the anger, but doesn't do much for depression. Maybe a 5.7x28 would help!
As for ink, 10 hrs in on my first piece and probably the same amount to go. Next session, Mar. 2nd. Maybe I'll get off my ass and post picks before too long.
Anyway, hope life decides to deal a pleasant surprise for both of us. Sounds like we could both use it.