*sigh*
it's gonna be one of those entries. i'll get back to everybody's comments; i'm sorryyyy.
sexual frustration. luke. flirtation. want want want. there's this lovely mechanism in women...the week before the monthly bodily self assault, the evolutionary system kicks that biological system in that makes you take on last ditch efforts to, on a subconscious level...um. get oneself pregnant or summat.
christ. that was a long winded way to say...i really just want someone to throw me down and fucking go for it, pleaaaaaaaaaaase. *criiiiies* ohhhh sexual frustration. it's terrible. i'm sure i must have the weirdest facial expressions while i'm walking around campus because i can't hold back the fantasies, they keep flashing into my head every time i close my eyes...fucking goddamn luke being the most frequent one right now...
which is completely self destructive. fuck's sake, if the boy wanted me he'd have made his move. he's stringing me along, he doesn't care. he'll use me for all i'm worth. and i know this. and i can't fucking stop myself.
the second time i met my first boyfriend...he'd had two female friends of mine ask if i'd come see him/hang out etc...and went up onto the basketball courts where they were all in various positions of slackerdom...the only one in motion was paul. on a girl's bike, clearly pulled off of one of the local balconies just riding the bike over and over again straight into a concrete wall, backing up and repeating...
when i saw him that way i knew he and i belonged together...sometimes i wonder if that confused violent passionate insane and in ways, downright awful boy was or will always be my soulmate.
tears, again.
it's gonna be one of those entries. i'll get back to everybody's comments; i'm sorryyyy.
sexual frustration. luke. flirtation. want want want. there's this lovely mechanism in women...the week before the monthly bodily self assault, the evolutionary system kicks that biological system in that makes you take on last ditch efforts to, on a subconscious level...um. get oneself pregnant or summat.
christ. that was a long winded way to say...i really just want someone to throw me down and fucking go for it, pleaaaaaaaaaaase. *criiiiies* ohhhh sexual frustration. it's terrible. i'm sure i must have the weirdest facial expressions while i'm walking around campus because i can't hold back the fantasies, they keep flashing into my head every time i close my eyes...fucking goddamn luke being the most frequent one right now...
which is completely self destructive. fuck's sake, if the boy wanted me he'd have made his move. he's stringing me along, he doesn't care. he'll use me for all i'm worth. and i know this. and i can't fucking stop myself.
the second time i met my first boyfriend...he'd had two female friends of mine ask if i'd come see him/hang out etc...and went up onto the basketball courts where they were all in various positions of slackerdom...the only one in motion was paul. on a girl's bike, clearly pulled off of one of the local balconies just riding the bike over and over again straight into a concrete wall, backing up and repeating...
when i saw him that way i knew he and i belonged together...sometimes i wonder if that confused violent passionate insane and in ways, downright awful boy was or will always be my soulmate.
tears, again.