i made it through class today. didn't think i would. have southeast asian history section...but i think i'll just sit and be quiet today unless i get cross. talked to erez and the anger is bubbling under my skin again...
have you no shame? and why, oh why wasn't i told? *narrows eyes. lowers voice* you're lucky you've not run into me again, boy. i'm not sure what i'd do...it might be hard not to break anything...you best pray that i bleed real soon...i've nothing left to say to anyone, i feel led on ...hearing several basslines in my head at once...odd how the bassline is what i hear best when angry...
do you want me to disagree with you?
you yourself said it. but methinks...you led me on. if you want to save yourself you'll open your sorry trembling lips. because god knows i'm an angry girl with a good sense of fire. but don't worry, i'll let you run away, if that's what does it for you.
took 11 mg of melatonin last night with beer. i have no idea how i could wake up at 7:30 this morning. i have no idea how i could wake up. i'm upping my medication i'm disowning men i'm so sick of the fucking lot of you. i have no idea how to get rid of the kind of anger i have...i just want to scream. and maim, but i'll avoid doing that. if given the opportunity (an empty house) i'm gonna scream my head off.
(more bassline here). (embellishes with some drums in her head. seems satisfactory).
kody, luke, whoever the fuck you think you are...if you get your shit together and want to join me sometime, great. you can come after me this time because i've had enough. but there's nothing to talk about, right? *narrows her eyes again*
do you say you understand where i'm coming from because you're "my friend"? just like you didn't tell me about her because you're "his friend"...? do you tell me i'm invisible because i'm your friend? FUCK you. FUCK the whole useless goddamned lot of you. i pay people to emotionally fix me. people who have an education in this shit. just because you think you see something doesn't mean a. i don't know about it, b. it's the time or place to fix it, or c. that i even need to fix it. the skill of invisiblity is a valuable trait. but apparently no one sees me anyway, even when i turn it off. thank you, erez. i'm glad to know no one thinks i exist. now it's not that i'm not a pretty girl, it's that nobody thinks about me. nobody sees me, nobody notices me. the ghost of a girl.
don't tell me how to be. don't tell me what to do. i have enough people monitoring my behavior and telling me what to keep in mind. this time i've had enough enough enough. i don't want your advice. i want to be told you love me anyway despite my flaws. i don't want to hear this shit. i don't want to listen to you talk out of what seems to me to be clear cut naivety. i want to be rewarded for what i do right, not to listen to someone who doesn't know what they're talking about bumble through language which i'd be glad to cut to pieces if i didn't take pity on you. the fucking end i want to rip you limb from limb
i could kill you
and i'd die to
toodles, darling,
acheron
have you no shame? and why, oh why wasn't i told? *narrows eyes. lowers voice* you're lucky you've not run into me again, boy. i'm not sure what i'd do...it might be hard not to break anything...you best pray that i bleed real soon...i've nothing left to say to anyone, i feel led on ...hearing several basslines in my head at once...odd how the bassline is what i hear best when angry...
do you want me to disagree with you?
you yourself said it. but methinks...you led me on. if you want to save yourself you'll open your sorry trembling lips. because god knows i'm an angry girl with a good sense of fire. but don't worry, i'll let you run away, if that's what does it for you.
took 11 mg of melatonin last night with beer. i have no idea how i could wake up at 7:30 this morning. i have no idea how i could wake up. i'm upping my medication i'm disowning men i'm so sick of the fucking lot of you. i have no idea how to get rid of the kind of anger i have...i just want to scream. and maim, but i'll avoid doing that. if given the opportunity (an empty house) i'm gonna scream my head off.
(more bassline here). (embellishes with some drums in her head. seems satisfactory).
kody, luke, whoever the fuck you think you are...if you get your shit together and want to join me sometime, great. you can come after me this time because i've had enough. but there's nothing to talk about, right? *narrows her eyes again*
do you say you understand where i'm coming from because you're "my friend"? just like you didn't tell me about her because you're "his friend"...? do you tell me i'm invisible because i'm your friend? FUCK you. FUCK the whole useless goddamned lot of you. i pay people to emotionally fix me. people who have an education in this shit. just because you think you see something doesn't mean a. i don't know about it, b. it's the time or place to fix it, or c. that i even need to fix it. the skill of invisiblity is a valuable trait. but apparently no one sees me anyway, even when i turn it off. thank you, erez. i'm glad to know no one thinks i exist. now it's not that i'm not a pretty girl, it's that nobody thinks about me. nobody sees me, nobody notices me. the ghost of a girl.
don't tell me how to be. don't tell me what to do. i have enough people monitoring my behavior and telling me what to keep in mind. this time i've had enough enough enough. i don't want your advice. i want to be told you love me anyway despite my flaws. i don't want to hear this shit. i don't want to listen to you talk out of what seems to me to be clear cut naivety. i want to be rewarded for what i do right, not to listen to someone who doesn't know what they're talking about bumble through language which i'd be glad to cut to pieces if i didn't take pity on you. the fucking end i want to rip you limb from limb
i could kill you
and i'd die to
toodles, darling,
acheron
rubbersoul:
You are entirely too beautiful to be a nun (and too smart too). Take it from someone who has been through the wringer a few more times than you have. What seems like the end of the world now will end up being a nice story to laugh about over drinks in six months. The irony is that's probably the way it would have turned out anyway even if he said he "loved" you...only the story wsouldn't have been half as interesting.