out of ativan.
this is going to be a problem
i told myself before...why didn't i listen to myself...i am a stupid stupid girl. i set myself up for this.
and yes, she's goregous. just like i thought she was.
when do i get to be the pretty one?
i'm afraid the answer is ...i'm not. ever.
i'm going to school in mourning tomorrow; i'm strapping my boots on; i'm going to war. war with men. for every last offense that's been committed against me. moments like this i'm so glad i never did the SG thing. men don't deserve to see my body on days like this. i just want to make the whole goddamn lot of you pay for the transgressions of your own kind. to know the kind of atrocities i've been subjected to. i'm sure this isn't rational but i don't give a fuck right now.
i'm jack's raging bile duct; i'm jack's total lack of suprise; i'm jack's total sense of rejection. i'm mourning my own sexuality. i'm sick of being shoved away. so fuck you jesse, fuck you erich, fuck you kody, fuck you julia, fuck you max, fuck you natasha, fuck you paul (because i can never resist a dig at you). somebody can fucking chase me, asshole. i'm sick of running after people. maybe when somebody who fucking wants me shows up they'll want me enough to make it easier on me, maybe they won't dick me around. maybe they won't pushmepull me. maybe i won't feel led on or used or stupid then.
i quit i quit i quit.
and tell me, i hear all of these bullshit myths about how i'm supposed to be attractive...yeah, if i'm so fucking attractive why can't one decent human being be attracted to me? why can't i get one lousy person who's got their shit together and wants me?
oh right. i remember now:
i'm sorry amanda, i'm sorry i said i didn't love you.
i hate you all so much.
and now i'm going to take melatonin and something alcoholic and pass out for the eveningthankyouveryfuckingmuch so feel free to find me at the bottom of the lake in the puffy princess dress and the pretty garlands hey nony nony hey i quit i quit i quit i quit fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
this is going to be a problem
i told myself before...why didn't i listen to myself...i am a stupid stupid girl. i set myself up for this.
and yes, she's goregous. just like i thought she was.
when do i get to be the pretty one?
i'm afraid the answer is ...i'm not. ever.
i'm going to school in mourning tomorrow; i'm strapping my boots on; i'm going to war. war with men. for every last offense that's been committed against me. moments like this i'm so glad i never did the SG thing. men don't deserve to see my body on days like this. i just want to make the whole goddamn lot of you pay for the transgressions of your own kind. to know the kind of atrocities i've been subjected to. i'm sure this isn't rational but i don't give a fuck right now.
i'm jack's raging bile duct; i'm jack's total lack of suprise; i'm jack's total sense of rejection. i'm mourning my own sexuality. i'm sick of being shoved away. so fuck you jesse, fuck you erich, fuck you kody, fuck you julia, fuck you max, fuck you natasha, fuck you paul (because i can never resist a dig at you). somebody can fucking chase me, asshole. i'm sick of running after people. maybe when somebody who fucking wants me shows up they'll want me enough to make it easier on me, maybe they won't dick me around. maybe they won't pushmepull me. maybe i won't feel led on or used or stupid then.
i quit i quit i quit.
and tell me, i hear all of these bullshit myths about how i'm supposed to be attractive...yeah, if i'm so fucking attractive why can't one decent human being be attracted to me? why can't i get one lousy person who's got their shit together and wants me?
oh right. i remember now:
i'm sorry amanda, i'm sorry i said i didn't love you.
i hate you all so much.
and now i'm going to take melatonin and something alcoholic and pass out for the eveningthankyouveryfuckingmuch so feel free to find me at the bottom of the lake in the puffy princess dress and the pretty garlands hey nony nony hey i quit i quit i quit i quit fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
spaciba i would spell spaseeba myself but i know what you mean - russian is a bitch to put into roman alphabet. if only i could change the alphabet setting on the keyboard to cyrillic and then just type the words in the roman letters phonetically = my friend can do this on her keyboard so her roman letters turn into kanji/hiragana/katakana characters. but japanese is much easier to spell phonetically than russian which is so nuanced. lots of grace notes. i took a semester of russian earlier this year and want to take more in the future. as for 'seichas, ya khachooooo stat koschkye' - i can see how that would be spelled in cyrillic, i just have no idea what it means.... expliquez, s'il vous plait.
and you like diary of a madman. i have not read it but dead souls is brilliant + hilarious. if you haven't already please read it so you can agree with me.
as for the seeming proliferation of people who play games/are a waste of time, i'm not going to cheerfully say
"come now, dear acheron, that's not true; this earth is populated mostly by people who don't play games, who aren't a waste of time!"
because
1. it's not true
2. you wouldn't believe it
and
3. it would be really fucking obnoxious.
so instead we'll say - each raising our triple shots of straight angostura - that there are INDEED a few bloody good ilkers about this globe, it's just finding them that can be a royally discouraging and right harrowing pain in the fucking ass.
:clink:
mud in yr eye.