Sorry for the long delayed blog that is now finally here. I've been doing a lot of self reflecting. "Soul Searching" if you will. I've just been trying to figure out how I'm going to be happy. I contemplated what way to take at the various "forks in the road" that make up life.
For work I decided to take the fork that led me away from best buy into a better full time job where I am working with people that appreciate me.
For my living situation, I decided that I am going to try and buy a house... Trying to find a foreclosed house that I can buy for about 50,000 dollars. Doing that is cheaper than renting.
For my relationships, however is where things are so often complicated and confusing. Just as it usually is... I met a girl on here who I always had a suspicion of having someone somewhere else (which today I just found out that I was right all along)... I decided to let her in and I really started feeling things for her... probably a little too fast...and then something happened. I'm not quite sure what it really was or where the tipping point was... but it got incredibly awkward. Eventually she asked that we start over... but I didn't respond. I really needed to think things through. I was at a very big crossroads in my life. I was trying to filter the good people from the bad. After all, I had just gotten out of a 2 year serious relationship from a girl that left me for another man.
I know I was the ass for not responding to her. It took a few days before I texted her apologized. She simply stated that she thought I didn't want to speak to her again so she stopped trying. And there it was just like that. The crushing blow from a Maul to my heart. After everything she said to me, all the feelings and emotions that were exchanged... I was confused and really crushed.
How could I have let myself to be so stupid. I let myself get baited into satisfying a woman's loneliness and sexual desires...only to be used for the moment and discarded when things didn't go her way.
I feel completely used... I guess I probably deserve it. My instinct told me it was coming, but I second guessed myself... the hopeless romantic inside of me took over and said that things wont go bad this time... well look who was right.
For work I decided to take the fork that led me away from best buy into a better full time job where I am working with people that appreciate me.
For my living situation, I decided that I am going to try and buy a house... Trying to find a foreclosed house that I can buy for about 50,000 dollars. Doing that is cheaper than renting.
For my relationships, however is where things are so often complicated and confusing. Just as it usually is... I met a girl on here who I always had a suspicion of having someone somewhere else (which today I just found out that I was right all along)... I decided to let her in and I really started feeling things for her... probably a little too fast...and then something happened. I'm not quite sure what it really was or where the tipping point was... but it got incredibly awkward. Eventually she asked that we start over... but I didn't respond. I really needed to think things through. I was at a very big crossroads in my life. I was trying to filter the good people from the bad. After all, I had just gotten out of a 2 year serious relationship from a girl that left me for another man.
I know I was the ass for not responding to her. It took a few days before I texted her apologized. She simply stated that she thought I didn't want to speak to her again so she stopped trying. And there it was just like that. The crushing blow from a Maul to my heart. After everything she said to me, all the feelings and emotions that were exchanged... I was confused and really crushed.
How could I have let myself to be so stupid. I let myself get baited into satisfying a woman's loneliness and sexual desires...only to be used for the moment and discarded when things didn't go her way.
I feel completely used... I guess I probably deserve it. My instinct told me it was coming, but I second guessed myself... the hopeless romantic inside of me took over and said that things wont go bad this time... well look who was right.
xylah:
-hugs- I am sorry. If you need someone to talk to I am here for you
coffeelove:
It's awful when things like that happen.. Sorry to hear it 