Let's talk about today. Today is Black Friday. For those of you unfamiliar with the term I have a question: Where do you live? On a mite, on the gnat, the gnat on the fly, the fly on a frog, the frog on the knot, the knot on the log, the log in the hole, the hole in the bottom of the sea?
I work in retail. That means I ran around all day helping needy ass customers, frantically trying not to cut someone's face in frustration, sucking down menthol cigarettes in between dealing with those retarded assholes who thought it would be fun to be all lined up outside of my job at 5:30 in the AM. Before you get all "Oh, Ac1d don't be so mean to the Christmas Shoppers." Let me prove to you using a simple formula how these people were retarded assholes:
Now any time before 8 AM is what I like to call "Retarded O'clock," because you have to be fucking retarded to be voluntarily up that early, or <8=RETARDED. 5:30 as a number is represented as 5.5, which is less than 8, so we can further conclude that 5.5=RETARDED. Being lined up outside of my work before I've had time to smoke 3 cigarettes makes you an asshole. Three is also less than eight, which makes it retarded, or 3=RETARDED.
Therefore, we can conclude that 3=RETARDED+ASSHOLE. Thus, the customers were RETARDED ASSHOLES.
There it is, mathematically explained. Irrefutable evidence that anyone outside of my job at 5:30 this morning is a retarded asshole.
Moving on:
Did I do any of the aforementioned running around? Nope. Did I cut anyone's face in frustration? No, I wasn't frustrated. I-was-fucking-bored. Yes, bored on Black Friday. I dragged my white, morning hating ass out of bed at 4:30 in the mother-fucking morning (and yes, if this morning had a mother, it definitely would've been fucking her with it's little, inbred, pus dripping, pizzle). Ac1d was not happy.
How the hell did this happen? I work at one of the leading sellers of "Technology items." Shit like: Computers, laptops, MP3 players, Flashdrives, etc... Surely the gift of technology is a great gift! I know plenty of people that get laptops for Christmas. So why was I bored? Was it the Wal-Mart that opened a scant few months ago down the road? Nope. They were dead too. So, where was everyone?
Fuck if I know!
What I do know is I stumbled around work, tired, bored, angry, and fucking boooooooooorrrrreeeed for TEN damn hours. Ten hours which was supposed to 12 hours, but I played my Management card and got the fuck out of there before I shit on something, like my boss, to alleviate the boredom.
Fuck Black Friday, and it's Morning, which was apparently too tired after having wild incest sex with it's mother to no crawl the hell by today.
I'm gonna drink beer.
I work in retail. That means I ran around all day helping needy ass customers, frantically trying not to cut someone's face in frustration, sucking down menthol cigarettes in between dealing with those retarded assholes who thought it would be fun to be all lined up outside of my job at 5:30 in the AM. Before you get all "Oh, Ac1d don't be so mean to the Christmas Shoppers." Let me prove to you using a simple formula how these people were retarded assholes:
Now any time before 8 AM is what I like to call "Retarded O'clock," because you have to be fucking retarded to be voluntarily up that early, or <8=RETARDED. 5:30 as a number is represented as 5.5, which is less than 8, so we can further conclude that 5.5=RETARDED. Being lined up outside of my work before I've had time to smoke 3 cigarettes makes you an asshole. Three is also less than eight, which makes it retarded, or 3=RETARDED.
Therefore, we can conclude that 3=RETARDED+ASSHOLE. Thus, the customers were RETARDED ASSHOLES.
There it is, mathematically explained. Irrefutable evidence that anyone outside of my job at 5:30 this morning is a retarded asshole.
Moving on:
Did I do any of the aforementioned running around? Nope. Did I cut anyone's face in frustration? No, I wasn't frustrated. I-was-fucking-bored. Yes, bored on Black Friday. I dragged my white, morning hating ass out of bed at 4:30 in the mother-fucking morning (and yes, if this morning had a mother, it definitely would've been fucking her with it's little, inbred, pus dripping, pizzle). Ac1d was not happy.
How the hell did this happen? I work at one of the leading sellers of "Technology items." Shit like: Computers, laptops, MP3 players, Flashdrives, etc... Surely the gift of technology is a great gift! I know plenty of people that get laptops for Christmas. So why was I bored? Was it the Wal-Mart that opened a scant few months ago down the road? Nope. They were dead too. So, where was everyone?
Fuck if I know!
What I do know is I stumbled around work, tired, bored, angry, and fucking boooooooooorrrrreeeed for TEN damn hours. Ten hours which was supposed to 12 hours, but I played my Management card and got the fuck out of there before I shit on something, like my boss, to alleviate the boredom.
Fuck Black Friday, and it's Morning, which was apparently too tired after having wild incest sex with it's mother to no crawl the hell by today.
I'm gonna drink beer.
(i hate black friday...