crappy cranky awful day. days like today make me want to hit the reset button. i should not be awake. i should not be aware. i cannot sleep. not after that nightmare. no. i can't remember being so scared - maybe when i was little and nightmares happened more regularly. i've not had a nightmare in so long. i can't remember.... but this - this...
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i want out.
i want to be free.
there is a terrible scream inside.
i only know i'm stuck here.
close the door dammit.
eat your peanut butter and goldfish.
speak of me no more.
free.
blah, blah, blah.
sweet smelling hand cream.
lick.
lap me up.
i bleed for none but you.
all of you.
your pain.
your lives.
your blessed hand cream.
a...
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i want to be free.
there is a terrible scream inside.
i only know i'm stuck here.
close the door dammit.
eat your peanut butter and goldfish.
speak of me no more.
free.
blah, blah, blah.
sweet smelling hand cream.
lick.
lap me up.
i bleed for none but you.
all of you.
your pain.
your lives.
your blessed hand cream.
a...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
drrtyrocstr:
I am not sure how I came across your writtings, nor do I think it matters. I feel as if I was ment to read them. I hope you are not offended. That is not my intention. I was compelled.
yuriel:
no youre a smart one
psst your writing rocks
although i dont always read it
cool pic
amen on your opinion.
as its the right one
psst your writing rocks
although i dont always read it
cool pic
amen on your opinion.
as its the right one
Standing on the Brink of Time, Looking at Myself
Even though Im still looking at myself, I am not at all in a state of stagnation. There is a lot to see when I look at me. So now I am observing me and deciding what of me I want to be and what I shall discard. I don't actually expect Ill discard much at...
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Even though Im still looking at myself, I am not at all in a state of stagnation. There is a lot to see when I look at me. So now I am observing me and deciding what of me I want to be and what I shall discard. I don't actually expect Ill discard much at...
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drrtyrocstr:
Very cool, I will have to reread it, coffee isn't in vains yet. Fallen angels and dirty wings...
when the dog bites and the bee stings...
when the dog bites and the bee stings...
pixilated101:
if you change you are you then still you?...
yes I'm trying to be funny...
I often eval who I am and what I want to be and have to compromise somewhere inbetween...it is like there are 2 of me...
I like the you that you are...dirty wings and all...
yes I'm trying to be funny...
I often eval who I am and what I want to be and have to compromise somewhere inbetween...it is like there are 2 of me...
I like the you that you are...dirty wings and all...
we try.
we did not fail.
we were betrayed.
betrayed by the fear of our neighbors, our cousins, our friends.
the nightmare continues....
did you know jesus is the reason for the season?
that is a lie.
they tell lies.
the truth shall set you free.
free? really.
no. yes? hope... gone.
tears come now.
tears for you and tears for me.
tears for all...
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we did not fail.
we were betrayed.
betrayed by the fear of our neighbors, our cousins, our friends.
the nightmare continues....
did you know jesus is the reason for the season?
that is a lie.
they tell lies.
the truth shall set you free.
free? really.
no. yes? hope... gone.
tears come now.
tears for you and tears for me.
tears for all...
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zonenkind:
Hi there,
Keep your spirits up my American friend. The world so needs Americans like you!
I am proud of you! Keep going!
Love
Keep your spirits up my American friend. The world so needs Americans like you!
I am proud of you! Keep going!
Love
aj_paradiselost:
Hey babe, yeah, I will write more for you. Can't wait until we can IM. Im fucking siked. I'm just sitting here having a beer before bed. The Filth and the Fury is on so I'm gonna watch this and then call it a fucking night. L8er Demoness
Standing on the Brink of Time, Waiting for Myself
somebody put something in my drink....
darkness. the end is near.
if i am me and i am all that exists, why would i create such a depressing world to inhabit? right. that happy god? does not exist.
standing on the brink of time, waiting for myself.
thinking it, creates it. willing it, gives it power....
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somebody put something in my drink....
darkness. the end is near.
if i am me and i am all that exists, why would i create such a depressing world to inhabit? right. that happy god? does not exist.
standing on the brink of time, waiting for myself.
thinking it, creates it. willing it, gives it power....
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drrtyrocstr:
I am so comming to your house next Hallows Eve!!! 42!! I am glad that you had fun even without the partiness.
aj_paradiselost:
Good morning Demoness, missing you and your insights.
Once upon a time there was a girl and she tried very hard to please everyone she met. She was very kind and listened attentively and with genuine interest as people spoke to her. She delighted in gaining the trust of those around her. She devoted herself to the happiness of others. While she was not utterly selfless, she did place the needs, wants and...
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aj_paradiselost:
Hey, babe, Hello right back at ya. Its about three-thirty on a fucking Saturday morning. My friend Shana is crashed out on my couch. I was giving her guitar lessons and she played until her fingers bled and her buzz wore her out. I think we have a fucking folk singer in the making, not that I"m proud of that but I'm proud of her.
I've got a bit of a buzz fucking going on. I'm not complaining, the fucking Yuengling Lager and Hieniken are flowing freely. I was just listening to Concrete Blonde's " Bloodletting Album." There are few bands that put out albums that I like in thier entirety but that is one of them. Its on that Goth side but I dig it anyfuckingway. So what are you up to this weekend Demoness? What dark words of intrigue shall I dwell upon from your black, silkend mind? I always linger on the edge of the computer desk to find out.
Anyway. I shall talk to ya soon. I"m off all fucking weekend so there will be drunken orgies tomorrow and football all Sunday. And then work shall demand the rest of my time for the following two weeks. I will talk to ya later babe. I signed on for the SGs. I hang around becaue of our conversations...........L8er babe.
I've got a bit of a buzz fucking going on. I'm not complaining, the fucking Yuengling Lager and Hieniken are flowing freely. I was just listening to Concrete Blonde's " Bloodletting Album." There are few bands that put out albums that I like in thier entirety but that is one of them. Its on that Goth side but I dig it anyfuckingway. So what are you up to this weekend Demoness? What dark words of intrigue shall I dwell upon from your black, silkend mind? I always linger on the edge of the computer desk to find out.
Anyway. I shall talk to ya soon. I"m off all fucking weekend so there will be drunken orgies tomorrow and football all Sunday. And then work shall demand the rest of my time for the following two weeks. I will talk to ya later babe. I signed on for the SGs. I hang around becaue of our conversations...........L8er babe.
yuriel:
me too *hugs*
ugh my stomach even seems to start being an asspain to me
as if....hehe
*hugs*
ugh my stomach even seems to start being an asspain to me
as if....hehe
*hugs*
I wrote this during typing class in high school. Though some of the language I use has changed, the way I think and the things I think about have not. I found this in a stack of things and it was so faded I thought I'd best transcribe it before it faded back to nothing.
All that is, was and never shall be...
~~~~~~~~~~~
almost...
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All that is, was and never shall be...
~~~~~~~~~~~
almost...
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aj_paradiselost:
Lol, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in Lancaster. Oh and you need to get some sleep babe. If I were you I'd be hallucinating if I didn't. It happens. Have an interesting time brushing the veil, and if you reach Sid Vicious tell him I need some inspiration. Oh and I didn't feel the need to mention about protecting my family and friends....yadda........yadda.....yadda. I just go into fits of insane ranting. Pretty fucked up eh? Anyway, gonna split...........L8er.
aj_paradiselost:
I think I'm fucking covering your page with my comments....Sorry about that. I just wanted to fucking say hello. Nothing really profound. Hope all is well babe........L8er.
he said i'm the bit of sanity in his day.
no one has ever said that. i cried. i am crying. i am always the insanity.... i'm the one who needs caring for. i'm not. not to him.
i feel appreciated. i feel strange. i feel like my shell has been shattered, my masks burned and yet i feel free and like i've been seen...
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no one has ever said that. i cried. i am crying. i am always the insanity.... i'm the one who needs caring for. i'm not. not to him.
i feel appreciated. i feel strange. i feel like my shell has been shattered, my masks burned and yet i feel free and like i've been seen...
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daekrys:
motherly instinct kickin in?
aj_paradiselost:
I don't think there is anything wrong with finding words like that blissful. If he can say that to you than he truly appreciates you babe.......everything you say is a mirror of Sanity, Truth, a metaphoric art. I think it is really fucking cool that you are appreciated. Make him a roast with mash potatoes and steamed carrots, hell, that's what I'd want.
the lids are heavy but the brain races. the mind is racing the brain. wonder who will win. the brain is good with the quick, linear dash, whereas the mind can bend the space it knows is only time and not even that - it's gonna be close. i wonder where they're going. where is the end of this dizzying parade of thought, image, sound...?...
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redfirefaery:
freedom is a myth. something to strive for, something to yearn for, and something we never really understand in this human form. when you find it, let me know. i'll still be listening.
[Edited on Oct 22, 2004 5:27PM]
[Edited on Oct 22, 2004 5:27PM]
aj_paradiselost:
Hey babe. I picked up a tape recorder to pick up some sounds, preferably two, me breaking glass and me striking a match over and over again. I figured I'd use them in some kind of fucking Metal song I'd write later on. Not sure I know why but I think my muse is the talent equivalent of a young Helen Keller. Any fucking way. I like that you like the sound of glass breaking. Its pretty fucking romantic I think. Anyway babe, take care of yourself..............L8er
it's bad. it's so bad that i don't even care to read an article about god being in our genes. that's really fucking bad. at least for me. yeah, most people don't give two shits about that sort of thing, but me - i'm a shit giver. usually. not today. i'm keeping my shit. gah! i just got all scatological! ick. anyway, this is how...
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aj_paradiselost:
Hello, Demoness. I was checking at your pics again before I split to fucking go to work. Yer such a fucking babe. Anyway, when are you going to pacify us with more online pics? Growllllllllllll. Being demanding am I? Yes I fucking am.
You know what I really want? A close up of those insanely deep eyes. just drag the cam in close and Snap. Your so fucking fascinating. I'd really dig on seeing what lies there behind those eyes. Anyway Demoness, I shall talk to you soon..........L8er.
You know what I really want? A close up of those insanely deep eyes. just drag the cam in close and Snap. Your so fucking fascinating. I'd really dig on seeing what lies there behind those eyes. Anyway Demoness, I shall talk to you soon..........L8er.
aiden:
CALLING ALL LOS ANGELES PUNK ROCKERS AND ANARCHIST / ACTIVIST!
To march at the October 22nd Rally. It's this friday ... A day to call in sick from work and a day to skip school. Lets all meet at this rally and organize + march together! Get there early!
You can check out the pictures from the last years march:
http://diyzine.com/photogalleryoct22.html
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 22ND (Stop Police Brutality - Repression and the Criminalization of a Generation)
ASSEMBLE AT 12:00 PM AT OLYMPIC AND BROADWAY IN DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES. MARCH AT 2:00 TO PARKER CENTER LAPD HEADQUARTERS ON LOS ANGELES ST. NEAR TEMPLE. RALLY AT PARKER CENTER
(Wear all black that day - for more info go to: www.october22.org )
hope to see you there
To march at the October 22nd Rally. It's this friday ... A day to call in sick from work and a day to skip school. Lets all meet at this rally and organize + march together! Get there early!
You can check out the pictures from the last years march:
http://diyzine.com/photogalleryoct22.html
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 22ND (Stop Police Brutality - Repression and the Criminalization of a Generation)
ASSEMBLE AT 12:00 PM AT OLYMPIC AND BROADWAY IN DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES. MARCH AT 2:00 TO PARKER CENTER LAPD HEADQUARTERS ON LOS ANGELES ST. NEAR TEMPLE. RALLY AT PARKER CENTER
(Wear all black that day - for more info go to: www.october22.org )
hope to see you there
typically "they" don't know what the hell "they" are saying...
I have not forgot about "the viewing"(next in line in story about death), but I have been lazy...forgive?...
that what I should be doing is the thing that I'm trying to reason with myself that it does not need to get done just yet so I can take a nap...or just loaf about...(after reading this sentence, I'm sure there's a better way to lay it out to get my message across, but...)