Ophelia dear, suicides don't go to heaven....
"Conscious desire is the negation of possession: the procrastination of reality." ~A.O. Spare
This was meant to be a sort of "filler" entry, to get away from the previous one. Now I am thinking. No, I'm not sleeping.... *sigh* I am thinking about fear and love and their rather tragic relationship. I have learned to let physical pain wash over and pass through me, but not fear. I cling to fear. While I've not given myself over completely to fear, I am certain it keeps me from loving without reservation. Fear, it seems to me, is based in desire. One might, at first glance, think that love is. But it is my desire to avoid emotional pain that keeps me from loving completely. It keeps me bound - prisoner to my own desires. To love without fear, that is freedom. So simple. So obvious. So elusive.
There was a time when I feared less. No, it was not a string of broken hearts that lead me here, but the realization that I had been lying to myself for years. Hiding from myself. They say the mind allows a person to remember things when they are "ready." When I was most at peace with myself and the universe it suddenly spun and sent me sprawling. This is me in the process of recovering from that. This is me struggling to understand. This is me looking ahead with both hope and trepidation. This is me seeking me. That is what I do here, first and foremost.
I passed a sign once that read, "All fear is bondage." I am bound, but I see the tethers. I fear, but more often than not, I recognize it. I seek to create my reality and not have it dictated to me by this insidious fear. I fear this is one battle I dare not lose.
"Conscious desire is the negation of possession: the procrastination of reality." ~A.O. Spare
This was meant to be a sort of "filler" entry, to get away from the previous one. Now I am thinking. No, I'm not sleeping.... *sigh* I am thinking about fear and love and their rather tragic relationship. I have learned to let physical pain wash over and pass through me, but not fear. I cling to fear. While I've not given myself over completely to fear, I am certain it keeps me from loving without reservation. Fear, it seems to me, is based in desire. One might, at first glance, think that love is. But it is my desire to avoid emotional pain that keeps me from loving completely. It keeps me bound - prisoner to my own desires. To love without fear, that is freedom. So simple. So obvious. So elusive.
There was a time when I feared less. No, it was not a string of broken hearts that lead me here, but the realization that I had been lying to myself for years. Hiding from myself. They say the mind allows a person to remember things when they are "ready." When I was most at peace with myself and the universe it suddenly spun and sent me sprawling. This is me in the process of recovering from that. This is me struggling to understand. This is me looking ahead with both hope and trepidation. This is me seeking me. That is what I do here, first and foremost.
I passed a sign once that read, "All fear is bondage." I am bound, but I see the tethers. I fear, but more often than not, I recognize it. I seek to create my reality and not have it dictated to me by this insidious fear. I fear this is one battle I dare not lose.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
hellsforheroes:
don't you wish sometimes you could forget about the tethers so as to pull away from them without knowing their weight, almost like pretending it is gravity pulling you, and not your own heart....
abyssia:
Networks Operations Team is mixing bizness with leather.