Im dizzy, like I might just fall out of this chair. Im trembling. The terror has crept inside. I am Jills muted terror. I cannot scream. I can hardly whisper. The whole of me, the whole of my existence, now colored over with fear. What do I fear? You. And you. All of you. And them too. I fear this chair. I fear these words. I fear this reality. Have you looked around? Terrible. Terrorizing. A cycle that never ends. It has all happened before and will again. And I will always be here, be terror. Be fear. Be trapped inside this skin sack. Be. Be. Be. Cut me. Drink me. Know the terror that is your god. Know the fear to which you bow. Eat me. When you taste nothing, you will know you are free.
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I enjoy being male, not just because I've never been anything else but there is a standard of behavior. I've really never given a damn what anyone else thought, but that usually dwells within the realm of interests, how I dress, what I listen to, who I take as my friends....etc. However it all comes down to the first thing that is obviously percieved, he is male, she is female, after that there is race and then further perceptions, the way they look etc etc.
When I'm hanging out with the" Guys" at work and we are throwing back beers and shit many assume that though we are all different we are all GUYs and at least click on that level. When I stepped outside of that by being friendly to someone the GUYs were supposed to be taunting and making fun of it didn't make me feel like one of the guys.
I got over it because I know that I am bigger than that. In the end it came down to will a different group of GUYs be watching me at the bar and thinking that maybe I am less than they. As a minority your battle is pretty much always trying to show that you are just as good if not better so I think that in the end that little thought is nagging away in the end. I am being long winded but you know what. I only have a love of humanity when I can put myself in thier places. I do that with all my animals. How are they feeling would I want a bigger cage. Would I want to be fed before the week was out if I were the Boa?
I just try to see living things as if, what if I were them? Okay, done now.