Turning, I turn and I see nothing but my turning in my mind or my brain - that hurts when it shifts like this, a one quarter turn in the noggin, Turning toward the unlikely or the most likely, most likely since it is usually the probable that happens. Right? So if I turn I will go to the most likely and that is drums?...
Read More
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um, butter
she said
ten times the
chore to clean
that floor
how many times
must i tell you
i need it
like junk
just for me
lonely
but not alone
alone but
not lonely?
hum
she said before
when we were more
take care
my friend
of all
your friends
don't leave
one hollow
one aching
haven't you got
enough
for the whole class?...
Read More
she said
ten times the
chore to clean
that floor
how many times
must i tell you
i need it
like junk
just for me
lonely
but not alone
alone but
not lonely?
hum
she said before
when we were more
take care
my friend
of all
your friends
don't leave
one hollow
one aching
haven't you got
enough
for the whole class?...
Read More
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
_gone_:
i think i caught a cold .. i feel like crap .. i'm going back to bed 
nickfaust:
Hi back, thanks for your very sweet words.
Speaking of which, I love this:
we give what
we need
what we seek
Beautiful stuff.
Speaking of which, I love this:
we give what
we need
what we seek
Beautiful stuff.
dead are the lovers
they once drew near
a bond, two souls
to dance
dead they are
yet they drink
that eternal font
of misery
of hunger
of lust
of emptiness
they seek so much
a little hope
goes a long way
better it be ended quick
than left to this fate
to sip slowly
and to ebb
to drink of each other
only to...
Read More
they once drew near
a bond, two souls
to dance
dead they are
yet they drink
that eternal font
of misery
of hunger
of lust
of emptiness
they seek so much
a little hope
goes a long way
better it be ended quick
than left to this fate
to sip slowly
and to ebb
to drink of each other
only to...
Read More
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
contessakatarina:
Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement - hope you feel better soon and get over your flu - Sending you virtual chicken soup and hugs x
drrtyrocstr:
you here?
words in my mind
they're not being kind
it's like they left me behind
to wonder what they are
and tear at my face
searching
there must be meaning
mustnt there?
i mean, this isn't really
no....
not one giant....
cosmic joke?
am i the punch line?
are you?
where are those
damnable words?
the ones i can't find
maybe if i hit rewind
perhaps...
Read More
they're not being kind
it's like they left me behind
to wonder what they are
and tear at my face
searching
there must be meaning
mustnt there?
i mean, this isn't really
no....
not one giant....
cosmic joke?
am i the punch line?
are you?
where are those
damnable words?
the ones i can't find
maybe if i hit rewind
perhaps...
Read More
broken, drifting
the sea of my insanity
washed up
something in my drink
link
blood, give me blood
now, i say
please? i'll wither
smithers
would you kindly
go fuck yourself?
oh, and sally too.
tic tock
here, at least
but there?
step out
splash a pail
paint the sky
lost and wandering
keep and eye
sally was peckish
you know
splitting, such a splitting...
Read More
the sea of my insanity
washed up
something in my drink
link
blood, give me blood
now, i say
please? i'll wither
smithers
would you kindly
go fuck yourself?
oh, and sally too.
tic tock
here, at least
but there?
step out
splash a pail
paint the sky
lost and wandering
keep and eye
sally was peckish
you know
splitting, such a splitting...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
_gone_:
how are you doll? been a while since we talked .. last time i was a bit off kilter .. i'm better now...
trane:
No turds mean no stink.
But please feel free to come over and stink it up any time.
Howz it going? MERvalous I hope.
But please feel free to come over and stink it up any time.
Howz it going? MERvalous I hope.
Im sure you're somewhere fast asleep or doing something that maybe Id like to be doing, but I thought Id say hi. Considering the fact that Im drunk and stoned and have all manner of sex toys at my disposal, I think Im doing pretty good.... so why am I talking to you? HA! I'm NOT!!!
I'm not. Nothing. heh. hehehe. no THING!!! me! there...
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I'm not. Nothing. heh. hehehe. no THING!!! me! there...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
redfirefaery:
its not very nice to tease with those kinds of mental images... but then again, it is, if you know what i mean. kind of like a less personal version of phone sex. fill in your own results. 
did you enjoy yourself at least?
btw, goulash doesn't have to have meat, and can have lots of veggies. that was just how i made it the other day
Oooo give me a shopping list when you plan to visit so i can have enough veggie food for you. i'm the only one around here who isn't a carbs & carnivore kind of person, so i don't keep that much around...
call me, lady!
did you enjoy yourself at least?
btw, goulash doesn't have to have meat, and can have lots of veggies. that was just how i made it the other day
Oooo give me a shopping list when you plan to visit so i can have enough veggie food for you. i'm the only one around here who isn't a carbs & carnivore kind of person, so i don't keep that much around...
call me, lady!
_gone_:
it's sunday and it's been raining for three days straight and will probably be raining all day tomorrow also
***
prescription drugs are the only ones for me now & they kick my ass every time
***
prescription drugs are the only ones for me now & they kick my ass every time
I'm too scared, too scared, too scared to move.
redfirefaery:
why scared, hun?
how was your "less than sober" night with your guy? i hope you had fun!
i'll post a basic recipe for goulash as soon as i can... which could mean in about 5 minutes...
i miss you!
how was your "less than sober" night with your guy? i hope you had fun!
i'll post a basic recipe for goulash as soon as i can
... which could mean in about 5 minutes...
i miss you!
aj_paradiselost:
Hey little Mrs. Mer. Well first off, I'm trying to quit smoking because it is one of those vices of mine that I really DON"T enjoy. And no I don't really do the catholic thing too much anymore, it was getting a bit too wierd. Too many christians everywhere. Maybe If I could have rented out the church for my own private sermons then.......well, who the fuck knows. Scared eh? What did you do babe? L8er...........AJ
a strange dance
it is
when love comes quickly
and so often
restrained by
by an idea
a thought of man
you are my possession
what a notion, lotion
slide to me
green, but the icky shade
a body in knots
leaking
a soul broken
seeking
there are nice things
things of man
ren & stimpy
the pyramids at giza
pepsi!
but at what price?...
Read More
it is
when love comes quickly
and so often
restrained by
by an idea
a thought of man
you are my possession
what a notion, lotion
slide to me
green, but the icky shade
a body in knots
leaking
a soul broken
seeking
there are nice things
things of man
ren & stimpy
the pyramids at giza
pepsi!
but at what price?...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
drrtyrocstr:
I would love to dance, i would be honored to dance with you. If only I could find my way thru this crowded smoke filled room. I know I saw you, i caught a..
danm crowd
miss you
always do
danm crowd
miss you
always do
aj_paradiselost:
Hi ya there Mer, its been awhile. You can't strive to be more Mer cause you already are babe and there lies the problem. Rather than laying my head upon your shoulders babe I think you'd be more peaceful with yours on mine........L8er Mer, you know who loves ya......Aj
In a roundabout way
you are the hand of god
what god?
idunno
the one with foil on his head
or the one with the mic in his hand
or the one in the gilded castle
the fairy tale sex god
do you think it fucking matters?
you are becoming
always
inert
bake my heels
lock step
a bolt slips and
and they go flying...
Read More
you are the hand of god
what god?
idunno
the one with foil on his head
or the one with the mic in his hand
or the one in the gilded castle
the fairy tale sex god
do you think it fucking matters?
you are becoming
always
inert
bake my heels
lock step
a bolt slips and
and they go flying...
Read More
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
metatag:
Do you have no music where you are now?
When I got my first flat, I bought the stereo before I bought a bed or a cooker. I was sleeping on a matress on the floor. My cooking was done on a camping stove that used a small gas cartridge, which was a challenge when two pots were needed. But I had music and that made me happy
My type is INTP and the description is a good fit, but I am more well rounded than the description on the link. I was very impressed by the test, and that so few questions could identify my personality.
When I got my first flat, I bought the stereo before I bought a bed or a cooker. I was sleeping on a matress on the floor. My cooking was done on a camping stove that used a small gas cartridge, which was a challenge when two pots were needed. But I had music and that made me happy
My type is INTP and the description is a good fit, but I am more well rounded than the description on the link. I was very impressed by the test, and that so few questions could identify my personality.
metatag:
I have a pile of vinyl albums to record onto the puter, but the wires that connect the stylus to the tonerarm need replacing and they are not easy to find.
A while ago, I recorded some onto video tape, which sounds nuts to most people, but the audio qualities of video tape are very good.
Gals to hear that you have music - no pun intended
A while ago, I recorded some onto video tape, which sounds nuts to most people, but the audio qualities of video tape are very good.
Gals to hear that you have music - no pun intended
I'm um, really down so anything I write, even this, will have that pathetic feeling to it that I happen to loathe so much. Why do I loathe it? What is it about the patheticness that evokes such a strong response in me? Maybe to me "pathetic" is beyond sadness or melancholy. It is self-pity. It is something that one chooses, not just something one...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
aj_paradiselost:
The fucking thing is Mer is that you HAVEN'T grown accustomed to living that way. Why the fuck should you HAVE to be accustomed to it. I do think that when I am working twelve hour shifts for days upon days upon fucking days straight I think, fuck, I should be accustomed to this. And I wonder who I am doing it for and to what end?
No shit Demoness, for all of our talking and e-mailing I am seriously beginning to think that I should just make peace with the fact that I will NOT find the same kind of peace that pacifys them. Maybe I'm not a bad fucker, maybe I'm just not like them, well that part of known for fucking eons.
If friends, family and fucking lovers want to deny that part of me that they can't deal with? Then fuck them, I will hide and protect those that I care for from the part of me that they can't fucking deal with. But in the end I die alone and I will be true to myself.........L8er Mer..........AJ
No shit Demoness, for all of our talking and e-mailing I am seriously beginning to think that I should just make peace with the fact that I will NOT find the same kind of peace that pacifys them. Maybe I'm not a bad fucker, maybe I'm just not like them, well that part of known for fucking eons.
If friends, family and fucking lovers want to deny that part of me that they can't deal with? Then fuck them, I will hide and protect those that I care for from the part of me that they can't fucking deal with. But in the end I die alone and I will be true to myself.........L8er Mer..........AJ
oak:
Jesus (ho, ho).
Well, like I said, I originally planned on doing church work for a living, in the inner city, where it really matters.
After losing my mother, my marriage, my career, most of my money, and my direction all in the course of about 14 months, my outlook on life changed quite a bit.
I still have my faith, but it's changed some in nature. Although, to be honest, I was a bit of a theological maverick even in college when I was planning on a life in ministry.
It's too complex to post on a journal comment; in college I was actually planning on writing my own theology book, just basically explaining my view on the real message of the Bible and the real spirit of Christianity and how to live the way I thought Christ really intended his followers to live. Incidentally, I think it has practically nothing to do with the way most mainstream Christians in this country live.
It's been a long time since I've thought about it in systematic terms.
Incidentally, I'm a little bummed that no one commented on my journal to tell me to get busy writing the books I've been talking about writing.
I started the one on Portugal tonight. Unfortunately, I have to go in to work at 10am tomorrow instead of 3pm, so I can't get really rolling on it all night as I'd prefer, since I still have to work until 11pm. Hello, overtime!
I've been asked why I didn't take the opportunity of my IT career's ending to go back into church work, but being divorced, even when it was your spouse having the extended affair and everything else, makes it really difficult. It's a huge stigma in the church, getting divorced. I didn't want to deal with it.
Plus, for a while, all I really wanted to do was disappear into the bottom of a whiskey bottle.
[Edited on Sep 28, 2005 10:48PM]
Well, like I said, I originally planned on doing church work for a living, in the inner city, where it really matters.
After losing my mother, my marriage, my career, most of my money, and my direction all in the course of about 14 months, my outlook on life changed quite a bit.
I still have my faith, but it's changed some in nature. Although, to be honest, I was a bit of a theological maverick even in college when I was planning on a life in ministry.
It's too complex to post on a journal comment; in college I was actually planning on writing my own theology book, just basically explaining my view on the real message of the Bible and the real spirit of Christianity and how to live the way I thought Christ really intended his followers to live. Incidentally, I think it has practically nothing to do with the way most mainstream Christians in this country live.
It's been a long time since I've thought about it in systematic terms.
Incidentally, I'm a little bummed that no one commented on my journal to tell me to get busy writing the books I've been talking about writing.
I started the one on Portugal tonight. Unfortunately, I have to go in to work at 10am tomorrow instead of 3pm, so I can't get really rolling on it all night as I'd prefer, since I still have to work until 11pm. Hello, overtime!
I've been asked why I didn't take the opportunity of my IT career's ending to go back into church work, but being divorced, even when it was your spouse having the extended affair and everything else, makes it really difficult. It's a huge stigma in the church, getting divorced. I didn't want to deal with it.
Plus, for a while, all I really wanted to do was disappear into the bottom of a whiskey bottle.
[Edited on Sep 28, 2005 10:48PM]
burning the sky
rain down ash, acid, trash
humanity listing
what a stench
so many
so many will fall
water pulling at them
earth swallowing them
can't you hear it?
all is in order
preparations made
aeons ago
smoked fish
don't cry child
you were born for this
little boxes
big boxes
open pits
the willfully blind
get the worst of it.
rivers run red...
Read More
rain down ash, acid, trash
humanity listing
what a stench
so many
so many will fall
water pulling at them
earth swallowing them
can't you hear it?
all is in order
preparations made
aeons ago
smoked fish
don't cry child
you were born for this
little boxes
big boxes
open pits
the willfully blind
get the worst of it.
rivers run red...
Read More
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
aj_paradiselost:
Hey Mer, I'm going to write you an email, after that last one you sent me you deserve it......L8er.......Aj
_gone_:
i'm missing ya .. you been ok?
~~~A Strange Thing Happened~~~
The Experience
like cream
with jam so sticky
slickering...
the mind aches
i am not the paradox
slipping again
more
too sticky....
no washing this
mind clog
thought and -
something else
something other...
egg, cracked
egg to swallow
egg, stuck on egg
egg...
source
something to that...
thought sludge
wrestle in mud
egg...
something....
egg........
thought,
like egg, slips through...
Read More
The Experience
like cream
with jam so sticky
slickering...
the mind aches
i am not the paradox
slipping again
more
too sticky....
no washing this
mind clog
thought and -
something else
something other...
egg, cracked
egg to swallow
egg, stuck on egg
egg...
source
something to that...
thought sludge
wrestle in mud
egg...
something....
egg........
thought,
like egg, slips through...
Read More
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
redfirefaery:
where are you? call me!
call me!
_gone_:
hey where are you? .. you're being missed by me
celestial chiropractor
adjusting clouds and connections
Manipulating fascia
levitating each gentile
3 feet in the air
cameras taped to head
spinning slow motion
The panoramic pinhole camera
of yesteryear of future tommorows