abyssia

ty Its just the damnedest thing. Now after all the sickness I find myself fighting off depression, pretty bad this time. How was your xmas mer?

to quote the title of a great band, the "usa is a monster". its an all consuming mass of megalomania and self-service. so we can either jump on board to feed the monkey, embracing the invasion of privacy for what its billed as, kissing our basic human freedoms away to ensure our ridiculous lives of leisure at the expense of 7/8 of the world, OR sit and fester like a boil on society, publishing our neo-left wing pamphlets and living off food stamps. until we gather up the nerve to move to a more desirable democracy, only to find that we aren't really wanted anywhere we'd consider BETTER. as for me, I've given up on living in a country that reflects my own compassion and acceptance of different cultures/religions/ideas/sexual prefrerences/etc. but fuck them i'm still here, and i still have my beliefs. now that there is such a binary difference i can feel like a real swell human being (through contrast). and that thought alone is empowering enough for me to want to create and do my own kind of missionary work. and if the apocalypse does come like the christian right says, well then it will at least have a good soundtrack, thanks to my i pod of course.

I don't really "do" Christmas....I don't really "do" any holiday...I'll go to any party I'm invited to or go eat at someone's house if they invite, but I never make any plans...yesterday I hung around the house and cleaned up a bit...ate too much(normal food not Christmas fair)...and worked out some(ab wheel and punching bag)...now my abs are killing me...oh well...

with regards to the thought...I think I was thinking more along the lines of physics and computers...I was thinking what level of computing power it would take to know every gene and what possibilities they represented(like the risk taking gene) and then be able to track everything(every encounter, every experience) that a person has and then be able to predict what they would do...

as far as what prompted the thoughtwho the $#@% knowsas I have stated before in my journalI think way too muchway too much

I feel bad for you babe cause sometimes I think there is so much that you just don't seem to realize about this life. As I've said before, we are much more than the sum of our flesh. You cut and you bleed because you don't realize that you are so much more beneath the flesh. You aren't looking to die and you aren't insane. There is a level of spirituality that is there beneath the surface that you are unable to to touch, to reach. While we are in these fucking flesh suits we have to play thier game. You are discontent, I know, you are not pleased by the way things have gone in this existance? Well no shit. We have on one level or another chosen to play thier game. If you can survive on some level, no matter how small, but on some level of contentment on this realm then embrace it. To struggle against it too much causes insanity. You are walking a path of two parts. One part what you know is truth and the other is just the reality of what has become your reality. Why do you see Tigress in your past, why not, fish, insect or something of a weaker nature? I'll tell you. It is because you know the sum of your soul is something greater than your flesh. Be strong Demoness, you have to be because when we all let them convince us that we are insane, if we let them think that we are the disease among them, and being complacent is not the true disease then we have let them win. We fail mankind. Cry if we must be we are not fucking insane.

thank you, and happy festivus to you too.

i've had a few other friends online who cut. so i'm not gonna go into the knee jerk reaction thing because it doesn't work anyway.

i notice you sort of romanticize the whole urge and ordeal. i quit drinking a while ago and while the urge does come up to have a drink from time to time, i just think about how taking a drink makes me feel like shit and how it's more trouble than good, and the illusion goes away, real quick-like.

anyway, thanks for the comment, have a great (non-bleeding) day!

Didn't I tell you to contact me when you felt fucked up inside. Look I will be around this holiday so please write. You don't want to go back there. I think your cutting to get rid of some other pain that goes deep, once you figure that out you will want to stop.
I would love for you to meet me and Lenore as well. Merry Christmas Luv!

is this just my man brain turning shit perverted or is that poem about....sexual stuff?

Lol, good to fucking hear from ya babe. Question? What is it that you could say that you aren't about my last post? C'mon, you know I dig yer opinion, and yeah I know wolves mate for life. That journal comment on my page isn't what you think if that is what you were thinking Demoness. The bad fucking girl that you are.

Hey Demoness, what's new. What the fuck is spiraling about it that mind of yours lately? Has the Tigress aspect been ruling you or have you been struggling to keep her at bay? I guess the fucking struggle is always there, I know. Anyway take care babe...........From the Wolf and I........L8er.

I am a guy, I am supposed to be xcited about my car! All you have to know is if it looks cool, sounds cool, and gets you hot when it goes real fast. Oh, and the back seat...lol
I uploaded some picks of a ram air hood and lambo doors for you.
So how are you this fine evening?

Thanks, I really like the name as well. I am sorry you feel like you don't belong. I thought you meant that you don't belong on SG. Is there anything I can do? Do you want someone to talk to? You know I wouldn't mind you e-mailing me. If there is anything I can do just let me know. Hope you are having a better day.

New? yeah...some new would be good.

you need to jump on AIM sometime. we should chat again.

That was very couragious to post. Hope it helped. Stronger now, just posting it shows strength building. OH LOOK!! Thought I saw wings wiggle a bit.

I will get more pics up. I just had a very bad day yesturday.

Are you ticklish?

i have to apologize to you for thinking that this was a piece of fiction i thought it was just too horrible to be anything but ..

im sorry for the indignity & violation you went thru .. i need to get to know you better so that i dont make that assumption ever again

sleep is elusive ...

~ Alien

Sorry, I am all over the map tonite. Is it a full moon?

Smile damn it! Your much prettier that way...

lack of a job, and my girlfriend living 500 miles away isn't helping either. and that wasn't the kind of comment i expected from you.

Glad I could make you smile.
I just have a bunch of stuff spew<sp> out of my head, my fingers don't keep up very well...lol
Its really a feeling that comes over me. I don't try to right anything. Same thing with my art work. I wish I could purge more often.

I am very well with being me, ty. There are a few things that need to be changed, but its my fault they are there, so I live with it. I gave up trying to find myself, cause I was already there.

I will post some writing thursday. Not from me but something that someone who is very dear to me.

Have a great day!
Your beautiful!!!

im not so terribly interesting... you however

speaking of which be on aim more.....
*sighs at mariposa's hotness as she likes only chicks *

mer, if you want to face your fear, i've been told i am very good at administering death by fire...

i miss you!

angels have nothing to fear, angels have no death...
...fallen, dirty, or otherwise.

*give me life, give me pain, give me myself again*~tori amos

i love that song.

I've just been waking up feeling a bit like fucking shit, no matter what or how much I drink So I figured I'd better give it a fucking break for a bit. So whats new with you Demoness?