School is taking so much time Im never on here anymore 
. Altho part of that was genicon considering I didnt do anythign else over the weekend(yay anime!), and the tatoo convention this weekend will likely have a similar effect. I still haven't figured out what Im going to do about the super bowl. Weekend after I will prolly start having more time and then I can be on here more. 
.
Trust is a funny thing, to begin talking of something serious. Trust, trust, trust. I find myself trusting myself, trusting ideals, even trusting certain people right away cuz I can see that they are part of something abstract that I am also part of... and this makes them trustworthy on a certain level, it would take too much time to explain why. And then other people... my room mate thinks Im too trusting. I couldve just met someone and I have no qualms about speaking of very personal things. But the funny thing is I dont need to trust someone at all to tell them about what I have been thru, what more can they do to me? I hide my vulnerabilities still but the things that have hurt me before are not going to hurt me again so I can speak freely of them. I dont expect anything from other people, I tell no secrets that I would mind being repeated, I let no one in any farther than I know I could cut them out of my heart from with minimal damage. I trust no one. Even the few that I trust on that strange level... I spose I trust them to understand me, I trust them to have my back, there are deeper things that I do not trust them with, that I trust no one with. Why do I now speak of trust? Well there is a trust that I dont have, for good and logical reasons. I wonder if its this lack of trust however that is holding me back. In art one must bare their soul. That requires a certain amount of trust, everyone fears their works will be stolen. Before signing ur works away to something u want to know how they will be treated. U create a half work, yes it is ur art, but uve held back, y waste ur best ideas when u don't know if they will be treated with respect and credited to u? But of course the commisioner of such a work sees that it is lacking in spirit and demands more. What now? Do u take the risk? Do u bare ur soul on possibility of rejection and loss. Loss of my art has always been affronting to me. I have lost poems and songs and manuscripts and sketches and I fear that I will create *the* great work, the one work that ever artist dreams of, their best, the culmination of their artistry and then loose it. Oh the agony, I can imagine. Rejection is another issue altogether its pain is obvious, but actually reflects on the rejector. I have faith in my works. Those who reject it are thereby ignorant in some fashion that they did not understand it or care not truly in their soul for art. Tho Im sure it would pain me, the loss of the observer would be the true pain, my faith in myself would not waver for I trust myself and my ideals. What is the point of art if not to be observed? To move hearts and minds and souls? I do art for myself, but I do it also for the future. I think of the art that has saved my life and I do it for the other mes out there to feel not alone. And somehow also, the observance of art makes it real to me. But back to the original question should the risk be taken? Thus far I have only given farces of work, which were seen thru, I imagine, or perhaps rejected for other reasons, but it does argue for the intelligence of the observer. I have real ideas, better ideas, ideas too big to be shared on a whim. But then will I never share them out of fear? Will there ever not be risk? I spose I believe that leaps of faith must be taken, that risks are a part of life, Goddess willing I will not be making a mistake, but once and only once I will I put my trust in this observer. Soon... soon they will hear the silent word mouthed in the empty night. Will they understand it?
~Abunai
. Altho part of that was genicon considering I didnt do anythign else over the weekend(yay anime!), and the tatoo convention this weekend will likely have a similar effect. I still haven't figured out what Im going to do about the super bowl. Weekend after I will prolly start having more time and then I can be on here more. .
Trust is a funny thing, to begin talking of something serious. Trust, trust, trust. I find myself trusting myself, trusting ideals, even trusting certain people right away cuz I can see that they are part of something abstract that I am also part of... and this makes them trustworthy on a certain level, it would take too much time to explain why. And then other people... my room mate thinks Im too trusting. I couldve just met someone and I have no qualms about speaking of very personal things. But the funny thing is I dont need to trust someone at all to tell them about what I have been thru, what more can they do to me? I hide my vulnerabilities still but the things that have hurt me before are not going to hurt me again so I can speak freely of them. I dont expect anything from other people, I tell no secrets that I would mind being repeated, I let no one in any farther than I know I could cut them out of my heart from with minimal damage. I trust no one. Even the few that I trust on that strange level... I spose I trust them to understand me, I trust them to have my back, there are deeper things that I do not trust them with, that I trust no one with. Why do I now speak of trust? Well there is a trust that I dont have, for good and logical reasons. I wonder if its this lack of trust however that is holding me back. In art one must bare their soul. That requires a certain amount of trust, everyone fears their works will be stolen. Before signing ur works away to something u want to know how they will be treated. U create a half work, yes it is ur art, but uve held back, y waste ur best ideas when u don't know if they will be treated with respect and credited to u? But of course the commisioner of such a work sees that it is lacking in spirit and demands more. What now? Do u take the risk? Do u bare ur soul on possibility of rejection and loss. Loss of my art has always been affronting to me. I have lost poems and songs and manuscripts and sketches and I fear that I will create *the* great work, the one work that ever artist dreams of, their best, the culmination of their artistry and then loose it. Oh the agony, I can imagine. Rejection is another issue altogether its pain is obvious, but actually reflects on the rejector. I have faith in my works. Those who reject it are thereby ignorant in some fashion that they did not understand it or care not truly in their soul for art. Tho Im sure it would pain me, the loss of the observer would be the true pain, my faith in myself would not waver for I trust myself and my ideals. What is the point of art if not to be observed? To move hearts and minds and souls? I do art for myself, but I do it also for the future. I think of the art that has saved my life and I do it for the other mes out there to feel not alone. And somehow also, the observance of art makes it real to me. But back to the original question should the risk be taken? Thus far I have only given farces of work, which were seen thru, I imagine, or perhaps rejected for other reasons, but it does argue for the intelligence of the observer. I have real ideas, better ideas, ideas too big to be shared on a whim. But then will I never share them out of fear? Will there ever not be risk? I spose I believe that leaps of faith must be taken, that risks are a part of life, Goddess willing I will not be making a mistake, but once and only once I will I put my trust in this observer. Soon... soon they will hear the silent word mouthed in the empty night. Will they understand it?
~Abunai