absinthe

The other night a couple of my housemates got in this huge fight. Nothing saddens me more than boyfriends who are mean to their girlfriends. Really boys, you should know how to treat a lady. It killed me how cruel this guy was being to her and even tho there were 5 other guys in the house who could have kicked him to the curb, no one did anything. I felt like I couldn't say anything because I'm just a visitor. It really tore me up.

Last night I shroomed for the first time, with the Boy. We lay in bed together and slunk around under the covers. Coming up was fine, everything was funny and looked like it'd been photoshopped and touching things felt really cool. I wanted to bite down on everything, everything looked really ...yummy, I dont know why. It was neat to watch patterns on the ceiling and walls too, and it was really cool that Boy and I were experiencing the same changes.
It felt like everything was a more intense version of what it is normally - things that were fake looked faker, things I liked were better, things I didn't were worse. I think I'm unusual cause I was more into touching stuff, especially fabric and stuff with patterns. The boy's black sweater made me unusually happy.
But it got to be too much after a while - I wasnt really comfortable with my altered state. I felt like the Boy and I were going at different speeds since he's a lot more comfortable with the whole thing. The guy from the aformentioned fight came in and tried to talk to me, I was really not cool with him from the previous night and thats also when i realized how far away I was from anything real - trying to act normal freaked me out. I kinda just curled up in bed and said quickly "___ (boy's name) come back... I dont want to talk to anyone, I just want to stay in our trip." It really threw me, being invaded, and as the high continued I just curled up and wanted to go to sleep and got scared. It felt like being on a fair ride or something where you cant get off or come down. If the Boy hadn't been there to calm me down by talking and convincing me to sit up and turn on the lights, it couldve turned into a really bad trip.
Coming down was nice - isn't that funny, that I came up and down really easy but the middle part - the whole point of the drug - was what I couldn't handle? Coming down he talked to me and then convinced me to talk about things. i think the drug stripped away a lot of bullshit and we connected, finishing eachother's sentences and saying 'I know what you mean.' We talked about my school and about the future and his housemates and the way I curled up when I was scared. It made me really think about how things during the trip transferred to the real world. How it was more obvious then what was good and bad, real and fake, comforting and scary. It made the boy and I closer, I think, and he really was my comfort and protector during the whole thing - he kept me from sinking into everything I saw or touched. I wonder what it would've been like to sink into the trip completely, but I think I've freaked myself out quite enough already. I had fogotten how cautious I can be. I think I'll stay that way for now. I realized I really don't want to do anymore drugs.

Anyway, back to the real world ... I hung out with Cat and Katie today, we rode the carousel in the mall and went to Sanrio. I missed Katie, she's such a punkster but sweet underneath. And I've been seeing more of Cat lately and that's great. I love her to death.