Sunday Feb 12, 2006

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the moment I left highschool a change came over me. I decided I would never answer to anyone ever again. I was free to do what I wanted and live how I want. For the most part I do.

I suppose now that this is a fallcay in several ways. Firstly, I never really stopped letting myself be pushed around in little ways, as we all do. But more importantly, my personal set of moral guidelines, the ones that don't fit with anybody elses, aren't justified by the freedom they bring me.
I never want to sacrifice anything, I thought then. the worst thing is resenting the confines of your own life.
What this ends up meaning is that other people end up having to sacrifice to me, just to stay on common ground. And we resent eachother even more. I've lost friends and lovers this way.

Where's the freedom in that?
How do I even begin to mend this?
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
misterpoop:
The willing sacrifice IS the freedom. It all depends on the garden you want to grow. Sacrifice is freedom from your ego. This all depends on what you are willing to sacrifice: What your priorities are. But there's no bringing back the lamb. That's the point. Once the blade enters, it's good and done. The freedom is in your acceptance of what you've done. That is the path that you've chosen, when the left hand forgives the right hand. It's called redemption. But what the fuck do I know? I'm a douche bag with a map of Uzbekistan trying to navigate New England. If you need more blood I'm available.

"For her, all equals everything. The father's instruction, on the contrary, is: all equals nothing--- unless it be precisely discriminated."
----James Hillman----

But remember: I's a bok
misterpoop:
The willing sacrifice IS the freedom. It all depends on the garden you want to grow. Sacrifice is freedom from your ego. This all depends on what you are willing to sacrifice: What your priorities are. But there's no bringing back the lamb. That's the point. Once the blade enters, it's good and done. The freedom is in your acceptance of what you've done. That is the path that you've chosen, when the left hand forgives the right hand. It's called redemption. But what the fuck do I know? I'm a douche bag with a map of Uzbekistan trying to navigate New England. If you need more blood I'm available.

"For her, all equals everything. The father's instruction, on the contrary, is: all equals nothing--- unless it be precisely discriminated."
----James Hillman----

But remember: I's a bok

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