absinthe

oh, home sweet home.

I spent the last week in hawaii visiting my cousin. I lay on the beach and swam in the ocean. I survived on a diet of coconut juice and shaved ice and ice cream and tropical fruit and ahi and greens. I drove my cousin's Forester all around with the windows down, getting lost in the jungle and hitting switchback curves. The only radio station that wasn't christmas music played only top 40 radio from 2-4 years ago. I'm talking the "dawson's creek" theme song and tracy chapman and lisa loeb and savage garden (the only current thing I heard was a new Green Day song that seemed to follow me everywhere). Nostalgia for when I used to actually listen to the radio. I hung out with a girl who was visiting from U of O and we got along just fine.

here are the things I didn't do -
wear underwear
wake up early
miss wintertime.


Being on the island gave me some time to think about things. The line is so blurred there - between affluence and poverty, tourist and local, pollution and jungle, poison and vitality, christianized and indigenous - it's hard to say what to do, what's the right way to live, what's the way to happiness and health and a future. I stayed with a zen buddist accountant and a southern girl turned island lady (and a dog with "anxiety"). They were amazing to me. I've been thinking about my "beliefs" or my "morals" or Honor (this kind of nonsense always comes up during the new year) and I hope I cant start to unravel what's right. Even though the feng shui purchased from eBay seemed a little weird, I could tell they are on to something, they are happy and loving life, and that seemed right to me.

It feels good to come home with a little bit of golden still clinging to me. How I missed being a Pacific girl!

Now I'm in california for my last christmas before the folks move back east. The house smells like cookies. I was stressed about christmas but I only have a few more things to purchase.
Today we ventured into the Mall. It was scary with the crowds and the sales bekoning us in and the sales ladies asking us if we "need help" and who takes their children to mall at christmastime, anyway? But we made it out alive. I wished my dear friend was still working at Hot Topic so I could go make fun of her and eat a cinnabon on her break, but alas she is no longer a mall slave. I'm sure the mallrat post-highschool days will resurrect themselves soon enough. Not much to do around here and all.