I find that the hardest person to admit a truth to is myself! When you vocalize the ugly truth about yourself a tsunami of shame crashes upon you and your lungs fill with a tar like disdain that chokes and drowns you... But you feel a huge burden lifted and a freedom to finally love yourself when the waves settle and though you have to struggle to deal with the fallout your are now better equipped to face the world as the person you want to be! My admission: I have been the materialistic and narrow minded man I claim to despise, an amazing woman has chased me for well over a year and I made false excuses for not dating her and the ugly truth is that I had this petite image in my head as a measurement of the size of woman I wanted to be with... Disgusting... I stood in front of the mirror for hours a week ago looking at the kind of man I was and with each minute that passed I grew more and more sick to my stomach because I knew she was perfect for me and I didn't deserve her. My honesty to myself brought a determination to be better and I began to relive the conversations I've had here, I looked over the wise words of others and skimmed the few enlightened thoughts that had passed through my fingertips and into this community and I redefined what beauty means to me, I asked her out that night! I have enjoyed the happiest week of my life, and though it's hard to forgive who I have been, I am focusing all my attention on who I could be. Please accept my thanks SG world for giving me the pure light I needed to see my true self and the guidance and support to make the changes I needed to make to be a better man!
