REALLY REALLY INAPPROPRIATE JOKES!!!!!!! WELCOME ALL WHO ARE EASILY OFFENDED!!!!
A woman buys a wall mirror from Bunnings. The Manager asks her 'Would you like a screw for that mirror?' She replies: "No, but I'll suck your cock for a lawn mower.
Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck in Court next Monday.
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.
A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said 'Sorry about the wait'. I replied 'Don't worry you fat bitch, you'll lose it eventually.'
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts. Murphy meets him & asks 'If I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said 'If you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them'. Murphy shouts 'Four!'
One of life's great mysteries: How is it that a woman can fit an eight-inch vibrator into her half inch snatch IN THE DARK, but can't fit an ten-foot car into a twenty-foot parking space IN BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT????
Marriage counsellor to a couple who are contemplating divorce. 'Tell me something both of you have in common'. Husband, after a long awkward silence, replies, 'Well, neither of us sucks cock.'
Snow! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself 'She'll be fucking lucky with a face like that!'
I have a new chat up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day keeps the doctor away'. But since all the doctors are now Muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!
The local mosque is having a bonfire tonight, but keep it a secret ... they don't know about it yet!
My girlfriend says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a wank.
SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS: It has been announced that next year's shirt sponsor for TIGER WOODS will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said "To sponsor a cunt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
When I put my Christmas lights up this year I not sure whether or not it will offend my Muslim neighbours. So just to be on the safe side Ill paint: 'Allah is a cunt on my garage door.
5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjobs: 1% liked the warmth, 2% liked the sensation, 3% liked the eroticism, 94% just liked the peace and quiet.
A woman buys a wall mirror from Bunnings. The Manager asks her 'Would you like a screw for that mirror?' She replies: "No, but I'll suck your cock for a lawn mower.
Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck in Court next Monday.
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.
A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said 'Sorry about the wait'. I replied 'Don't worry you fat bitch, you'll lose it eventually.'
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts. Murphy meets him & asks 'If I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said 'If you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them'. Murphy shouts 'Four!'
One of life's great mysteries: How is it that a woman can fit an eight-inch vibrator into her half inch snatch IN THE DARK, but can't fit an ten-foot car into a twenty-foot parking space IN BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT????
Marriage counsellor to a couple who are contemplating divorce. 'Tell me something both of you have in common'. Husband, after a long awkward silence, replies, 'Well, neither of us sucks cock.'
Snow! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself 'She'll be fucking lucky with a face like that!'
I have a new chat up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day keeps the doctor away'. But since all the doctors are now Muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!
The local mosque is having a bonfire tonight, but keep it a secret ... they don't know about it yet!
My girlfriend says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and a family. She's obviously never tried to balance a laptop on her knees while having a wank.
SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS: It has been announced that next year's shirt sponsor for TIGER WOODS will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said "To sponsor a cunt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
When I put my Christmas lights up this year I not sure whether or not it will offend my Muslim neighbours. So just to be on the safe side Ill paint: 'Allah is a cunt on my garage door.
5000 men surveyed were asked why they like blowjobs: 1% liked the warmth, 2% liked the sensation, 3% liked the eroticism, 94% just liked the peace and quiet.