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i'm starting to believe in myself again. this isn't my fault, and i'm not carrying it any farther. i met someone, it's sure to be a complete disaster, but, i'm good with that. it's reliable. thanks, for my birthday, getting to see the baby was the only bright spot on an otherwise irredeemable day. i miss you, still, everyday. i'm trying to remember when it was good, and hold on to how much we loved each other, what we stood against, not what took us apart. it's hard, i still cry, too much to be healthy, and all of your hate still echoes in my heart-space, but i love you despite myself. i know that you have to keep hating me, to maintain the edges on hatches we can never bury, for what it's worth, i forgive you. i still walk hard, with purpose i don't know that i'll ever understand. safe travels, i hope someday, when they ask you 'bout me...