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that's jenny. my ex-girlfriend. she tried to kill herself last week. i just found out.

this was attempt #5. she almost succeeded this time. really it's been close the last few times.

i'm really sad. she's lost, and schizotypal. she listens to no one, and i can't go see her, for all kinds of reasons.

her mom is a fucking mess. really they're like family to me. long after jenny broke up with me, and my family had all but disowned me, lesa(her mom), took me in, and gave me a place to be 'till i got on my feet. i had been sleeping in a car for a month, at a bridge outside of town.

i had taken care of jenny and her younger brother tim(when we were seeing each other), when lesa tried to kill herself. we came home from stargazing, and there was blood fucking everywhere. she was sitting in the living room doing that psycho-rock that people do when they can't get comfortable in their own skin.

we've been through a lot together, all of us. jason, jennies older brother was my best friend for a long, long time, after we had split.

her brothers can't be bothered with it anymore, which i understand. at some point, you have to realize that there's no more fighting it. it's going to happen. she's going to succeed one of these times. this one being #2 in two months, means it's probably going to happen real soon. she's strung out, and has no plans of getting better.

i don't know. sorry. no one here really knows me, and that's kind of a lot, but if i aired any of that anywhere else, someone that knows us all would have had a fucking fit. not about me saying it, but...

i don't know, i guess i just had to write it down somewhere.

she's beautiful, and intelligent, she's cool, and has good taste in almost everything. i miss her a lot.

i guess i just wanted someone else to see her. to care, or something.

no pity parties. i just needed to vent. to share. her sadness and her face. my sadness, and my love.

somewhere it might be looked upon with grace.

after all, this is suicide girls.