abadinfluence

So - you want to laugh? Here's some stories that have happened recently to both myself and some other people around my life.


1) I was out smoking a bowl in my backyward the other night. It was late and my parents were asleep ... but I am always still a lil paranoid smoking in my backyard as my parents don't know I smoke.

Anyways ... it was a bit chilly out, so I was wearing my hooded sweater ... with the hood in the upright position - ready for take off.

After smoking most of the bowl and starting to feel the effects, I suddenly got freaked out, as there was someone right behind me. I ducked and turned to look behind me, but whoever or whatever it was must have instinctivly known that I was gonna turn, 'cause it wasn't there anymore - it was behind me again.

After about five minutes of freaking out, getting really paranoid that it was my dad playing a trick on me and I was totally screwed ... I decided to pull down my hood so I could have better peripheral vision ... and get this - the fucking thing that was behind me - it totally disappeared!!

Lesson learned - hoods can apparently look like people or things standing RIGHT behind you.


2) My friend who lives in BC and does some ... uh ... hydroponics ... was in charge of watering the plants the other day. She went down, turned on the hose and went to get a bite to eat.

Three hours later she remembered she had the hose on. She returned to the basement to find it partially flooded. So she screams a few choice words and then grabs a bucket and starts bailing the basement out.

For an hour and a half.

At which point she finally realized that she wasn't getting ANYWHERE at all. So she clued in and turned the fucking hose off.

AN HOUR AND A HALF!!

Can we say "someone is sampling the product too much??"

Apparently though, while this is the first time she has personally done it - it has happened many many a time in this house/business.


3) This one is the kicker if you ask me.

I walked upstairs the other day to make myself a sandwich. My dad was toasting a bagel for himself. Out of nowhere, my dad says, "yeah ... that should be good" and turns to try and pry the bagel out of the toaster with his fingers.

Of course, since the toaster is still on and still toasting his bagel, he finds it a shade hot to grab with his fingers.

So he grabs a metal knife and rams it into the bagel and pulls it out.

The following conversation took place:

Me: What the motherfucking hell are you doing? Are you new??

Dad: What?

Me: You just stuck a metal knife in the working toaster. You're gonna get electrocuted.

Dad: No no no ... that's only metal FORKS that do that. I've never heard anything about metal knives doing that.



*sigh* At least I can laugh at my own life as well ... I hope you guys and gals are.