It is really amazing how a short few moments in life can change your perspective of everything. This past week, my vacation, gave me something I desperately needed, and frankly, caused me to think a lot, and to be terribly grateful for my personal growth over the last 4 years or so.
From a growing patience, to a realization that I truly know what I want, and that my emotions are the centerpiece of everything I believe. In only two days, I was able to stand up and look at my life, and found out that I was so happy, and that my jaded views needed to be put in perspective, because really, there is a great world, and many a great people in that world, and I need to look for the best in man, rather than the worst. I forget that man is foulable, and that as such, nobody's hands are clean, including my own.
For the last year or so, I had placed myself up high in my mind, as a perfect being, perfect logic, and perfect beliefs. And as much as I would like to still believe that, and in some respects still do, I know that I really need to be careful not to be so arrogant, that I'm blinded by the same arrogance that I use to criticize others.
Damn that growing experience, eh?
Then I also grew on the side of relations with women. It had been a seriously long time since I had last made love to a woman, or even kissed a woman for that matter. So take almost two years of no sex, and a jaded view of relationships with women, and you have a man who was most likely going to die alone and bitter ... or not, but the happiness love can provide makes it appear that way at least.
A most amazing girl (or girls, depending on how deep into this I decide to get), made me realize how much I still desire love, by being everything I could wish for in a woman at first meeting. We'll start with the shallow physical nature of man: she was beautiful, stunning in fact, with natural curly-red hair, a smile that sunk to the bottom of my stomach and turned my entire being into a blanket of warmth and comfort. Then as far as her personality was concerned, (no offense to women on the coast, but comparatively, the coast women are horrible. I know many men who have suffered the same horrible experience of women on the coast, and it is something that jaded me in the worst type of way. Girls from the midwest just have a certain glowing quality of care and kindness that I haven't seen in a long time. It changed my hard heart and mind, and I'm considering attempting to date again ... maybe.) she was beautiful, kind, welcoming, no pretense of any nature. She knew she liked me in the shallowest of forms, and she had no hesitation to learn who I was, and if I was anything more than what she saw. I ended up sleeping with her, and she with me, and we both knew that it would amount to nothing more, nothing more than a couple of nights of pure passion and pleasure. After the first night of love, she showed me pictures, and low and behold, she was a mom ... a mom who would make all other moms want to kill her. This girl did not look like she had ever carried child. Apparently she ran 5 miles every day of her pregnancy, and continued immediately after to run 5 miles every day. Two days after her pregnancy, she looked like she was back to normal. What scares me is that for a moment, I thought about moving back to the midwest just to be with her, to be around someone with something so special in her life, and who was so special herself, but thought better of it, knowing that my infatuation was presenting itself as love, which can be a dangerous thing to misinterpret.
Love is a wonderous thing, and I am again feeling the desire to feel it coursing through my being.
Now, to get into the nasty details of naughty Aaron ...
So I met the girl because she was a bridesmaid in the wedding I was singing in. I made love to her, then spent the night with the entire bridal party (i.e., all the bridesmaids, the bride, and myself in a room ... drunk and lusty, although I did behave physically, as being that my best friend was the one marrying the bride, and although I do not doubt her love to him, and how she would deny me easily, I thought it best to not engage in anything that could harm anyone.) What a way to wake up in the morning though, an amazing redhead mother that I found myself falling for, and another bridesmaid in a satin nightgown on my other side. Dirty little Aaron smiled and took it in stride ... and also enjoyed as they ran around in towels and such ... but I felt I had stayed my welcome, and that to stick around would have made me a dirty creepy man (although I already felt to be one), so I took my leave. What an amazing night though, and for once, girls didn't ask if I was gay, they actually asked if I was called a metrosexual very often. It was so nice to for once, not have everyone assume I'm gay. Just a little icing on the cake.
So yes, my week was wonderful, and I am seriously thinking of love again as something I might enjoy in the near future. Granted, I am back on the coast, so perhaps this is wishful thinking, but damn, who doesn't want to wish for this?
I hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving, and that my droning on about my life hasn't bored you. It almost did me, if it weren't about me ... geez I'm vain!
And I digress ...
-Aaron
From a growing patience, to a realization that I truly know what I want, and that my emotions are the centerpiece of everything I believe. In only two days, I was able to stand up and look at my life, and found out that I was so happy, and that my jaded views needed to be put in perspective, because really, there is a great world, and many a great people in that world, and I need to look for the best in man, rather than the worst. I forget that man is foulable, and that as such, nobody's hands are clean, including my own.
For the last year or so, I had placed myself up high in my mind, as a perfect being, perfect logic, and perfect beliefs. And as much as I would like to still believe that, and in some respects still do, I know that I really need to be careful not to be so arrogant, that I'm blinded by the same arrogance that I use to criticize others.
Damn that growing experience, eh?
Then I also grew on the side of relations with women. It had been a seriously long time since I had last made love to a woman, or even kissed a woman for that matter. So take almost two years of no sex, and a jaded view of relationships with women, and you have a man who was most likely going to die alone and bitter ... or not, but the happiness love can provide makes it appear that way at least.
A most amazing girl (or girls, depending on how deep into this I decide to get), made me realize how much I still desire love, by being everything I could wish for in a woman at first meeting. We'll start with the shallow physical nature of man: she was beautiful, stunning in fact, with natural curly-red hair, a smile that sunk to the bottom of my stomach and turned my entire being into a blanket of warmth and comfort. Then as far as her personality was concerned, (no offense to women on the coast, but comparatively, the coast women are horrible. I know many men who have suffered the same horrible experience of women on the coast, and it is something that jaded me in the worst type of way. Girls from the midwest just have a certain glowing quality of care and kindness that I haven't seen in a long time. It changed my hard heart and mind, and I'm considering attempting to date again ... maybe.) she was beautiful, kind, welcoming, no pretense of any nature. She knew she liked me in the shallowest of forms, and she had no hesitation to learn who I was, and if I was anything more than what she saw. I ended up sleeping with her, and she with me, and we both knew that it would amount to nothing more, nothing more than a couple of nights of pure passion and pleasure. After the first night of love, she showed me pictures, and low and behold, she was a mom ... a mom who would make all other moms want to kill her. This girl did not look like she had ever carried child. Apparently she ran 5 miles every day of her pregnancy, and continued immediately after to run 5 miles every day. Two days after her pregnancy, she looked like she was back to normal. What scares me is that for a moment, I thought about moving back to the midwest just to be with her, to be around someone with something so special in her life, and who was so special herself, but thought better of it, knowing that my infatuation was presenting itself as love, which can be a dangerous thing to misinterpret.
Love is a wonderous thing, and I am again feeling the desire to feel it coursing through my being.
Now, to get into the nasty details of naughty Aaron ...
So I met the girl because she was a bridesmaid in the wedding I was singing in. I made love to her, then spent the night with the entire bridal party (i.e., all the bridesmaids, the bride, and myself in a room ... drunk and lusty, although I did behave physically, as being that my best friend was the one marrying the bride, and although I do not doubt her love to him, and how she would deny me easily, I thought it best to not engage in anything that could harm anyone.) What a way to wake up in the morning though, an amazing redhead mother that I found myself falling for, and another bridesmaid in a satin nightgown on my other side. Dirty little Aaron smiled and took it in stride ... and also enjoyed as they ran around in towels and such ... but I felt I had stayed my welcome, and that to stick around would have made me a dirty creepy man (although I already felt to be one), so I took my leave. What an amazing night though, and for once, girls didn't ask if I was gay, they actually asked if I was called a metrosexual very often. It was so nice to for once, not have everyone assume I'm gay. Just a little icing on the cake.
So yes, my week was wonderful, and I am seriously thinking of love again as something I might enjoy in the near future. Granted, I am back on the coast, so perhaps this is wishful thinking, but damn, who doesn't want to wish for this?
I hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving, and that my droning on about my life hasn't bored you. It almost did me, if it weren't about me ... geez I'm vain!
And I digress ...
-Aaron
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
-Lisa