So, my silly sausages:
We meet again in the crosshairs of life, parting the poxy labia of the universe and reaching toward each other through the pungent void.
I have, today, encounted a news item I believe will give you pause and pleasure. It is an actual news item brought to my desk by an actual wire service.
Friends, a VAMPIRE is running for Governor of Minnesota.
Without delay my reckless barbarian queens and cabin boys. I present this saucy tale:
Jan. 13 06, 8:47 a.m. EST
MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.
"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.
Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.
"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."
However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.
Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."
"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.
The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.
Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."
--30--
We meet again in the crosshairs of life, parting the poxy labia of the universe and reaching toward each other through the pungent void.
I have, today, encounted a news item I believe will give you pause and pleasure. It is an actual news item brought to my desk by an actual wire service.
Friends, a VAMPIRE is running for Governor of Minnesota.
Without delay my reckless barbarian queens and cabin boys. I present this saucy tale:
Jan. 13 06, 8:47 a.m. EST
MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.
"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.
Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.
"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."
However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.
Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."
"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.
The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.
Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."
--30--
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emancipation proclamation party