Today is Yom Kippur.
This day makes me uncomfortable. I mean, I really am not sure if I believe in 'god' or not, im pretty sure the 'g' dude doesnt exist as I have been brought up to believe. But hell doesnt sound too fun either so I dont mind going through the motions of a day in a temple to make mother happy either...
I never really pray. Never had. Probably never will. And I have never really utilised this day at all. A day of self relfection that is supposed to be different than every other day of the year...and so we fast. A day when we wear no leather. A day to wear white. No brushing teeth, no shaving. No Jewelry. Nothing to distract us from looking inside.
I could use a day like that. I feel like for the first time in my life, I may take advantage of this day. Not like they will, not reading old scriptures about irrelivant sheephearders or looking into the choice of words and what they teach us...bah humbug. My truths are in me...and only i can find them.
This is also a day when we look back and remember our dead. I dont know why, but this freaks me out everytime. I dont wanna communicate with the dead. I upsets me. I dont like to think of them at all. Not for the beatuy and not for the lessons and not for respect. My life family and friends are enough af a handful than to worry if I am living up to the standars set by all my noble family killed in the holocaust.
Yeah Badm0j0 was right. I am not myself...Ive been fucked. Im in a low spot. Dont get me wrong... Ive enjoyed wonderful distractions with the SG's. ActionSound, Indian Food, Roscoes- but I havent really spent any time with...me. And the running is catching up to me.
So I just ate a phat bowl of Gingered Greenbeans and a bowl of excellent soft tofu and now I begin my fast. Im going to spend a brief few hours with my family tomorrow. Bonding. I miss them. They are worried about me. Must be all the drinking...or smoking...orlack of sleep... then I will lay by the pool all day, hungry, and think. You see for me, this will be different. It isnt like me to do that.... A break from my routine.
Im not sure if im going to find anything to write to you all about, and I am sorry if this will bore some of you. Its much easier to write about the fun parties and exciting people I meet. But I need this and so I am taking advantage of all of you. Ive met some really cool kids on this joint and I dont mind asking for help every now and then...so sit tight and watch this boy dig. Or try.
Fuck, I dont know what the fuck I am doing, but I figure, anything is better than where I am at now...I miss me.
I sont like the traditional greeting in hebrew for Yom kippur. Its 'Chatima Tova' - Good signing...for asking god to sign you into the book of life...Blah! So instead I wont wish you any tiddings...but instead i say to myself...good luck.
Dont get scared. Im not going religious on you...just taking some needed quality time with me...i hope it becomes a habit.
This day makes me uncomfortable. I mean, I really am not sure if I believe in 'god' or not, im pretty sure the 'g' dude doesnt exist as I have been brought up to believe. But hell doesnt sound too fun either so I dont mind going through the motions of a day in a temple to make mother happy either...
I never really pray. Never had. Probably never will. And I have never really utilised this day at all. A day of self relfection that is supposed to be different than every other day of the year...and so we fast. A day when we wear no leather. A day to wear white. No brushing teeth, no shaving. No Jewelry. Nothing to distract us from looking inside.
I could use a day like that. I feel like for the first time in my life, I may take advantage of this day. Not like they will, not reading old scriptures about irrelivant sheephearders or looking into the choice of words and what they teach us...bah humbug. My truths are in me...and only i can find them.
This is also a day when we look back and remember our dead. I dont know why, but this freaks me out everytime. I dont wanna communicate with the dead. I upsets me. I dont like to think of them at all. Not for the beatuy and not for the lessons and not for respect. My life family and friends are enough af a handful than to worry if I am living up to the standars set by all my noble family killed in the holocaust.
Yeah Badm0j0 was right. I am not myself...Ive been fucked. Im in a low spot. Dont get me wrong... Ive enjoyed wonderful distractions with the SG's. ActionSound, Indian Food, Roscoes- but I havent really spent any time with...me. And the running is catching up to me.
So I just ate a phat bowl of Gingered Greenbeans and a bowl of excellent soft tofu and now I begin my fast. Im going to spend a brief few hours with my family tomorrow. Bonding. I miss them. They are worried about me. Must be all the drinking...or smoking...orlack of sleep... then I will lay by the pool all day, hungry, and think. You see for me, this will be different. It isnt like me to do that.... A break from my routine.
Im not sure if im going to find anything to write to you all about, and I am sorry if this will bore some of you. Its much easier to write about the fun parties and exciting people I meet. But I need this and so I am taking advantage of all of you. Ive met some really cool kids on this joint and I dont mind asking for help every now and then...so sit tight and watch this boy dig. Or try.
Fuck, I dont know what the fuck I am doing, but I figure, anything is better than where I am at now...I miss me.
I sont like the traditional greeting in hebrew for Yom kippur. Its 'Chatima Tova' - Good signing...for asking god to sign you into the book of life...Blah! So instead I wont wish you any tiddings...but instead i say to myself...good luck.
Dont get scared. Im not going religious on you...just taking some needed quality time with me...i hope it becomes a habit.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
good luck with the fast,
good luck with your ideals.
i really don't think there is a god.
but i sure as hell know there is a uterus.
and mine is bleeding like there is no tomorrow.
happy holiday.
Interesting post. How was your Yom Kippur? For me it came and went without my noticing. I thought about Rosh Hashanah for about a minute on the eve. So I missed both...I have no guilt, it's no big deal. Funny how my mom asked if I was going to temple, but didn't even know Rosh Hashanah was the new year. The insanity. No temples for me, mom. But in retrospect, I would have liked to spend a day in quiet reflection. I am reminded by your post that many of these holidays are bastardized versions of something really cool at their core. I say to hell with organized religion, but self reflection? I regard that activity as one of the most important in my life...funny how little I actually do it (there is a difference between obsessively objectifying oneself and quietly contemplating)...
...Anyway, a holiday can be just a reminder for things I need to do more in my life. Thanks.