my feelings on the conflict are my own...but this was just sent to me, and I found it quite a humorous point of view
A letter to the London Observer newspaper from Terry Jones (Monty
Python).
Letters
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
but
so far I haven't been able to discover what.
I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's
got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel,
don't
ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in
reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that
if
we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
police?
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence
of
a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be
secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a
decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the
peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however,
George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of
patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is
the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one
certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the
US
or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and
children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us
in
peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush
makes
it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is
a
really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no
one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for
killing
Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's
long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue
states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can
you ever know when you've achieved it?
How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
single
terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's
committed an act of terror.
What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to
eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers,
have
already eliminated themselves.
Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future
terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every
Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might
convert
to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr
Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of
the
iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like
and
who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe
until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but
I
tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United
States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
reason
for the President, it's good enough for me.
I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out
in
the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand
them
over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast
to
what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
Sincerely, Terry Jones
A letter to the London Observer newspaper from Terry Jones (Monty
Python).
Letters
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
but
so far I haven't been able to discover what.
I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's
got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel,
don't
ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in
reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that
if
we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
police?
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence
of
a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be
secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a
decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the
peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however,
George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of
patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is
the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one
certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the
US
or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and
children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us
in
peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush
makes
it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is
a
really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no
one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for
killing
Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's
long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue
states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can
you ever know when you've achieved it?
How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
single
terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's
committed an act of terror.
What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to
eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers,
have
already eliminated themselves.
Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future
terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every
Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might
convert
to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr
Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of
the
iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like
and
who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe
until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but
I
tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United
States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
reason
for the President, it's good enough for me.
I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out
in
the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand
them
over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast
to
what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
Sincerely, Terry Jones
rosinflux:
hmm. i wonder if that argument would hold any water. there's this one guy on my street...