_stella_

So basically i am really really depressed right now. I mean all sorts of down in the fuckin dumps. The onset was gradual but all of the sudden it just hit me. It is all brought on by Kyle. Of course right? Whatthefuck else could it be? Im sittin here thinkin about my Christmas and then about how he definitely initiated the kiss with Melissa. He's such a fucking dickweed. I hate him so much. I love him at the same time. So basically my Christmas was a dud. I woke up, opened presents, had breakfast with the parentals, then they jetted off to a friend's house for dinner. I stayed home. ALONE. Sweet right? Right. Well, I went outside and smoked a cigarette and texted Carlos a bit. While texting him I get a call from Kyle saying that he was comin over in a bit. So I was like whatever no biggie. Long story short he comes over and we hang out for about 45 minutes. Nothing happened, we just talked and watched TV. Then, he invites me to his house for fucking Christmas dinner!! How intense is that?!! Kay so we go to his house. We walk in the door, and there's mom, dad, brother Kris, grandma and grandpa sittin at the dinner table waitin for us! RUGGED!! Anyways, they greet us and then we sit down to eat. Throughout the whole dinner, grandpa and grandma were starin at me tellin me stories and whatnot. They are sweet people. Blah blah blah. We ate, talked, went upstairs, watched part of a movie, then went to Axsel's house. We hung out for a little. Then Bundy showed up and we all mobbed to Jared's house where Darin was too. We all kicked it for about 6 hours or so. They were workin on Jared's truck. I found some fireworks and in turn burnt the shit outta my thumb with some sparklers! I had fun though. So all day before Jared's, Kyle was being all couply with me and tryin to cuddle and shit. It was weird. Then when we were kickin it with the boys, he started actin like a fucking prick! Anyways....the point to this entry was to say that I need to push him away. I need to let myself get better and be happy. Obviously I keep trying with him and it's just not meant to work out. I have to accept that and move the fuck on already! *SIGH* This is gonna be difficult but I think I can weather this storm. It's not a hurricane or anything right??....