_stella_

Greetings all. I am in a very weird mood today. I am still recovering from this weekend. It was intense to say the least.
Too fucking bad that the best orgasm I had...the ONLY one I had was last night when I was home in my bed alone. Hmmm.....These boys I fuck suck! Ha ha nice rhyme eh? Anyways......So today was goin pretty good till after second hour. I walked outta the dance room to meet Deirdre and Alex, as usual and they were being all weird. I walked up to them and they start freakin out like "Oh god, oh shit she's gonna freak out." They have their backs turned to me and they're sayin this to one another. They look at me and say, "I'm so sorry, we didn't know! We're so sorry." They just kept buggin out and repeating that over and over as they gave me hugs. I was like what the fuck? I say "What did u do?
What the fuck happened?!" They wouldn't even look at me for fear of my reaction. They turn away and show me the palms of their hands. On D's it had the outline of the shape of Texas with her and Alex's names in the middle. On Alex's hand, it says "Alex + Deirdre = Texas." Cute huh? I just look at them and say "What does this mean?" They both look into their binders and pull out a piece of paper. On this paper it has a list of pros and cons, Cali vs. Texas. I just stand there and look at it. I look up at them and they will not look at me they both fucking looked away. I knew this meant that they wanted to go to Texas together, thus ditching me and Alison. It is so fucked up on so many levels. I mean, they couldn't even tell me themselves. They didn't even fucking look at me. It felt like fucking shit to be told in a way such as they chose. Like it's good to know that my two best friends couldn't even man up and tell me something they had decided. Granted, I can totally understand how they'd be scared of my reaction cuz it's me and I have a gnarly grrr face but still. They owe me that at least. I mean, if they were gonna make a decision then they should fucking belive in it, stand up for yourself and go balls out. If u make a choice, you support it keep a strong backbone, fight for yourself, don't be a pussy cuz you're afraid of one person's reaction. They seriously hurt me today. On top of the fact that I now have to re-arrange my future because they bailed. It really sucks. Not the re-arranging part, just that they hurt me like that. These are supposed to be my two best friends. It hurts to find out how your friends treat u in situations like these. I'm seriously bummed. I don't know where to go from here. I mean I'm goin to Cali with or without Alex cuz Cali is for me not her, but it's gonna take some time and lots of hard work to make it on my own. I can do it though, I believe in myself and my dreams...Unlike them.