in which we examine alternatives to sex......
Sex can do a lot of things. It can get you knocked up, give you an STD, or make you feel glorious, and doctors and researchers just love spouting off the benefits of having a healthy sex life. Some of us, however, dont have that going for us. Heres how to get the same benefits you would if you were fucking.
1) Sex Relieves Stress
So does quitting your job and moving to Waikiki. And doing yoga. And squeezing a stress ball.
2) Sex Boosts Immunity
If youre worried about catching a cold, heres what you need to do: Get a flu shot. Take a multi-vitamin every day. If youre feeling run-down, put a packet of Emergen-C in your water. Speaking of water, drink lots of it. And wash your hands.
3) Sex Burns Calories
Sure, sex might burn 85 calories per half hour, but the best sex lasts only seven to 13 minutes, which will burn off the calories in a carrot. If you ate a king size Snickers from the vending machine like I just did, you might want to take a spinning class or walk the eight flights of stairs up to your office. Right Also, Im no fitness expert, but I do know that if you increase your muscle-mass (that requires lifting weights instead of limiting your gym routine to marathon sessions on the elliptical machine) youll burn more calories when youre sitting there doing nothing.
4) Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
Exercise, people. Its as simple as that. And put out that cigarette.
5) Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Some have sex to boost their self-esteem, according to research collected by the University of Texas. But you shouldnt have to rely on other people to make you feel good about yourself. Why not get a new hobby? There are paint-your-own-pottery places in pretty much every city and town these days. If you suck at that, theres always scrapbooking.
6) Sex Improves Intimacy
This may be true, but oxytocin, the hormone release when you orgasm, is also thought to be released through hugging. And remember what Virginia Satir said about hugs: We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. I, for one, am starved for hugs.
7) Sex Reduces Pain
Take an ibuprofen. If the pain is emotional, a glass of wine might help.
8) Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
Yah, I got nothing here........
9) Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
Have you heard about Pilates? Its only been around since the 1920s.
10) Sex Helps You Sleep Better
There are a number of home remedies you can try: drinking warm milk, listening to Marvin Gaye, taking a warm bath, or sipping herbal tea. Popping a benedryl helps too.......
Sex can do a lot of things. It can get you knocked up, give you an STD, or make you feel glorious, and doctors and researchers just love spouting off the benefits of having a healthy sex life. Some of us, however, dont have that going for us. Heres how to get the same benefits you would if you were fucking.
1) Sex Relieves Stress
So does quitting your job and moving to Waikiki. And doing yoga. And squeezing a stress ball.
2) Sex Boosts Immunity
If youre worried about catching a cold, heres what you need to do: Get a flu shot. Take a multi-vitamin every day. If youre feeling run-down, put a packet of Emergen-C in your water. Speaking of water, drink lots of it. And wash your hands.
3) Sex Burns Calories
Sure, sex might burn 85 calories per half hour, but the best sex lasts only seven to 13 minutes, which will burn off the calories in a carrot. If you ate a king size Snickers from the vending machine like I just did, you might want to take a spinning class or walk the eight flights of stairs up to your office. Right Also, Im no fitness expert, but I do know that if you increase your muscle-mass (that requires lifting weights instead of limiting your gym routine to marathon sessions on the elliptical machine) youll burn more calories when youre sitting there doing nothing.
4) Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
Exercise, people. Its as simple as that. And put out that cigarette.
5) Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Some have sex to boost their self-esteem, according to research collected by the University of Texas. But you shouldnt have to rely on other people to make you feel good about yourself. Why not get a new hobby? There are paint-your-own-pottery places in pretty much every city and town these days. If you suck at that, theres always scrapbooking.
6) Sex Improves Intimacy
This may be true, but oxytocin, the hormone release when you orgasm, is also thought to be released through hugging. And remember what Virginia Satir said about hugs: We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. I, for one, am starved for hugs.
7) Sex Reduces Pain
Take an ibuprofen. If the pain is emotional, a glass of wine might help.
8) Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
Yah, I got nothing here........
9) Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
Have you heard about Pilates? Its only been around since the 1920s.
10) Sex Helps You Sleep Better
There are a number of home remedies you can try: drinking warm milk, listening to Marvin Gaye, taking a warm bath, or sipping herbal tea. Popping a benedryl helps too.......
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
but yeah, how is life treating you?
salt and lime, my friend; I personally fancy agave for it's sweet 'water'