_poet_

The last Thursday of June last year was a very bad day for me.I was having a really good time with my ex boyfriend(still room mate) Matt,he had turned 21 a few weeks before and was slowly becoming an alcoholic.I had my friend Charlie and her boyfriend at the time Craig at Matt and I's apartment,well Craig and Matt left to go to Ames to buy hard liquor that they didn't sell in Boone. Charlie and I had been hanging out having a good time and when Craig and Matt got home Matt was in a bad mood and started taking everything out on me as usual we'd been fighting allot the last couple weeks because I was jealous and still in love with him and he was just using me(that's how I felt) well before Matt left and went over to Joey and LaLa's (Joey was Matt's vest friend at the time) I shared a bottle of Hypnotiq with him. Well I had taken a couple shots of Vodka and kept getting more an more depressed,I mixed up up some Everclear and Kool-aid and I started drinking it already drunk by this point and I ended up drinking all the Everclear minus a few sips.I was emotional wasted an realized the guy I loved hated me. I started freaking out I locked myself in my apartment and I started cutting my wrist with a razor (how emo right) well I let Aerial and Eddy (my neighbors at the time) in my apartment and I've been told I started seizing I don't remember it but it must've happened. I came to and was sitting on my bed with my feet halfway out my window it had no screens and Tara comes in (a mutual friend) telling me how my friend Dustin tried beating her up. I wasn't very comprehensive and I just gave up at that point so I pushed myself halfway out the window, I never actually wanted to die and hell 37 ft. wont really kill you anyway wll by the time I realized I didn't wanna go out the window I hit the ground I didn't feel anything blood everywhere I tried standing up Eddy had jumped down 3 flights of stairs to get to me he pushed me back down on he ground (I was wasted had no idea how injured I actually was) and i laid there I looked at Eddy and asked him "is it supposed to hurt" he says well yeah you just fell damn near 3 stories I looked at hm 1 last time and said "it doesn't" I don't remember much after that I know I was life flighted to Des Moines and I remember seeing Charlie and her mom at the Boone hospital before I left, but that's about it...I woke up with my brother and my Dad,Brother and Sisters with me. They thought I had died or was going to but miraculously enough the only major injuries I had were 2 broken vertibraes in my back and a gash in my knee that went all the way to the bone,never in my life had I been so happy to be alive. I left the ICU in Des Moines Saturday and was taken to a Psych Ward I got out that following Monday and ever since last year I've never cut, been suicidal or ever ever once thought about hurting myself for a guy. I realized I first had to be happy with myself before I could ever be happy with anyone else. Never take life for granted... I never thought a near death experience and a drunken mistake could change my life for the better but I guess I'm living proof that miracles happen and not every mistake is horrible