_mrs_tlb_

I'm updating because yesterday's journal is really pissing me off for some unknown reason!

So today I woke up with a cold.............but i woke up doing well, i suspected that once i was back in Hull i wouldn't feel very good, but i was actually doing good!

Then i had a little wobble, thought everything i had sorted out in my head in Manchester had reverted back to square one! I mean literally square one.........wasn't the most pleasant of feelings i must say after having finally felt on a better road..........but suprisingly i recovered rather quickly! and in a way i am glad i had the wobble!

I am glad i had the wobble because it proved to me that i am not back at square one and a good deal of my mental strength seems to have returned! Manchester did so much for me

My mental strength appears to have returned
I have some self confidence now, not a vast deal but at least i have some
I actually feel worth something for once in my life
My head is sorted, i sorted a lot of problems out which have been bugging me since childhood and a lot of new things, but they are sorted
I have a fantastic dad (and Jane), who i could never actually tell how much they have actually done for me in the past two weeks
I know what i want, i don't know how to get it yet but i know damn well what i want and i'll fight for it
I am determined to get better! Absolutely determined!

I know i have a long, hard, tough road ahead of me and it will no doubt be difficult, but i know i can do it! it will take time, but i will do it! I'm not saying everything is fine and dandy now.....because well it isn't, and i know i will have good days and bad days.......but i have my mental strength, which may desert me on occasion, but i am so determined i can do this!

I have done so much thinking this past fortnight and i am resolved! I feel i am 'strong' again and my head is sorted.........i am determined and i can fucking do this! or i will die trying! Just try and stop me