_kaela

So my mother definitely seems to have the same problems I do. Today she went to bed at 5, the poor woman. She could barely open her eyes all day. At least tomorrow she won't have to worry about Ari.

I watched Grass today. It was nothing I didn't already know. I'm pretty well informed on the history of marijuana in the nation. It was good, anyway. Well put-together and everything...
I don't suppose I'll ever act on my desire to direct. Of all the dreams I have, some have to fall away.

Which brings me to one of the biggest issues in my life. I want to accomplish things I'm sure are beyond my capabilities, or a least things that would be considered a long shot. I don't believe in myself as exceptional in any way. The problem is, I'm not happy with mediocrity. I want to be exceptional. I want to be a well-known author. I want to be successful. Mostly, I want to prove everyone wrong when they say I'm just young and stupid. I want to be more than the fucked up little girl. I want to be more than the slut or the dyke or the one with all the weird piercings. And I would really like if people didn't think it was so damn weird that I'm the housewife type when it comes down to it. Who a person is defines their lifestyle, not the other way around, if that even makes sense.

My head hurts. I'm going to just try and sleep to Depeche Mode.