At the beginning of this year I made a decision to disappear out of other people's lives. I had been stretching myself to appease too many of my friends and it was starting to wear me out. I didn't have any time for myself and all the projects that I wanted to accomplish. Over the years, I have become very unsatisfied with the person that I am. So I wanted to take some time to change that person. I thought I could do that easier if I didn't have any outside influences.
Unfortunately, this meant that I had to neglect a lot of people who used to be a big part of my life. Some of them understood, some of them didn't.
Rebehka has been my friend for a long time. Almost 6 years now. I haven't had any contact with her since March, though. To be honest, the last time we spent time together there was an uncomfortable tension between us. She seemed very short tempered with me, and I quickly became annoyed with her. I was beginning to think that maybe our friendship had run its course and was ready to end. That maybe our personalities had grown away from each other and we just didn't have enough common interests to keep it going.
I learned tonight, through an instant message, that Rebehka's mother had just passed away after a fight with brain cancer. I wasn't at the computer when she left the message. I usually just leave it on for hours when I go to sleep or whatever. She 'sounded' upset with me. She probably feels that I have abandoned her in a difficult time. She accused me of not caring. I wont deny her the right to be angry at me. I've had people discard me before and I was angry at them.
I didn't know Rebehka's mother very well, but she was very kind to me the few times we spoke with each other. I certainly DO care. I feel bad for Rebehka and her family. I want to do something to comfort them. I've just always been very awkward at offering condolances. I just don't know what to say to someone who is going through something like that. What can you possibly say to make them feel better? The few times that I have lost someone in my life, I've always just wanted to be left alone. I know that not everyone is like me. But I don't know how to help them deal with this kind of loss. I'd probably just say the worst possible thing.
I know I need to call her. But I am scared to, and I feel like a complete coward for that. I don't think that a real friend would feel this way. They wouldn't even think twice about calling. Obviously, I am not a real friend. So what comfort could I offer?
Unfortunately, this meant that I had to neglect a lot of people who used to be a big part of my life. Some of them understood, some of them didn't.
Rebehka has been my friend for a long time. Almost 6 years now. I haven't had any contact with her since March, though. To be honest, the last time we spent time together there was an uncomfortable tension between us. She seemed very short tempered with me, and I quickly became annoyed with her. I was beginning to think that maybe our friendship had run its course and was ready to end. That maybe our personalities had grown away from each other and we just didn't have enough common interests to keep it going.
I learned tonight, through an instant message, that Rebehka's mother had just passed away after a fight with brain cancer. I wasn't at the computer when she left the message. I usually just leave it on for hours when I go to sleep or whatever. She 'sounded' upset with me. She probably feels that I have abandoned her in a difficult time. She accused me of not caring. I wont deny her the right to be angry at me. I've had people discard me before and I was angry at them.
I didn't know Rebehka's mother very well, but she was very kind to me the few times we spoke with each other. I certainly DO care. I feel bad for Rebehka and her family. I want to do something to comfort them. I've just always been very awkward at offering condolances. I just don't know what to say to someone who is going through something like that. What can you possibly say to make them feel better? The few times that I have lost someone in my life, I've always just wanted to be left alone. I know that not everyone is like me. But I don't know how to help them deal with this kind of loss. I'd probably just say the worst possible thing.
I know I need to call her. But I am scared to, and I feel like a complete coward for that. I don't think that a real friend would feel this way. They wouldn't even think twice about calling. Obviously, I am not a real friend. So what comfort could I offer?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
viking:
Do it man. Call her. Tell her all this stuff, she'll understand.
misskristin:
how did I throw out insults.. infact he complimented me on my civility. My opinion of the guy (however insulting) is my opinion, which I am entitled to. He gave me this impression of him self, and deserves to know that this is the impression he leaves on people.. like having spinach in your teeth, some people deserve to know.