Hey So I got alot on my chest today... N surprise surprise Imma vent to ya'll.
So yeah first off before I say anything, My Birth Control is fucked up, so I'm a little over the top with all things emotional. Secondly, If I don't get sex soon Imma freak out N tie my fiance to my bed, lock the door, N not give a fuck who hears... Thirdly I really hate living here.
Right now I'm living with my parents, and while Its not an arrangement I like, I kinda chose it. My parents and I have a very complicated relationship, namely my dad is a pastor and has no concept of reality outside this small town. My parents are very black and white on things and if something enters their small world that they don't agree with they choose to deny its facts and argue with everyone based on the fallacy of ignorance. They choose not to accept any concepts of rationality or reasoning, and deny all things that challenge their beliefs. Which makes it very difficult for me, because I'm an open-minded person, I love to hear about other peoples beliefs, and points of view on any subject. I believe that by listening and analyzing all standpoints you are better able to have a coherent and complex view of the world and numerous subjects. I chose to live here because my parents and I are so different, I wanted to fix our relationship before I literally leave the Nation and travel the world. I wanted them to know me...
But I also came here to try and show them the world from my perspective. To show them a new view of life and how much better it can be. Not because your making more money or you have better stuff but because you choose to look at life with love and passion. But being here has sucked away my love and passion for life, and I feel like because I'm not accept in my own "home" and environment that I'm loosing that part of me I loved, and becoming the depressed child that didn't know who she was. They don't agree with anything that comprises my personality, I cant discuss any of the topics I love or am passionate about, I have no space because they think I'm gonna fuck my fiance any chance I get... So how do I maintain the me I love and live peaceably with the people who disagree with all that I am?
^^On a plush side my eye is getting better -.^ My little sister told me the other day, oh your eye is purple too bad its not pink, pink is a way better color. lol
So yeah first off before I say anything, My Birth Control is fucked up, so I'm a little over the top with all things emotional. Secondly, If I don't get sex soon Imma freak out N tie my fiance to my bed, lock the door, N not give a fuck who hears... Thirdly I really hate living here.
Right now I'm living with my parents, and while Its not an arrangement I like, I kinda chose it. My parents and I have a very complicated relationship, namely my dad is a pastor and has no concept of reality outside this small town. My parents are very black and white on things and if something enters their small world that they don't agree with they choose to deny its facts and argue with everyone based on the fallacy of ignorance. They choose not to accept any concepts of rationality or reasoning, and deny all things that challenge their beliefs. Which makes it very difficult for me, because I'm an open-minded person, I love to hear about other peoples beliefs, and points of view on any subject. I believe that by listening and analyzing all standpoints you are better able to have a coherent and complex view of the world and numerous subjects. I chose to live here because my parents and I are so different, I wanted to fix our relationship before I literally leave the Nation and travel the world. I wanted them to know me...
But I also came here to try and show them the world from my perspective. To show them a new view of life and how much better it can be. Not because your making more money or you have better stuff but because you choose to look at life with love and passion. But being here has sucked away my love and passion for life, and I feel like because I'm not accept in my own "home" and environment that I'm loosing that part of me I loved, and becoming the depressed child that didn't know who she was. They don't agree with anything that comprises my personality, I cant discuss any of the topics I love or am passionate about, I have no space because they think I'm gonna fuck my fiance any chance I get... So how do I maintain the me I love and live peaceably with the people who disagree with all that I am?
^^On a plush side my eye is getting better -.^ My little sister told me the other day, oh your eye is purple too bad its not pink, pink is a way better color. lol
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Like start looking for a another temporary job for your fiance/ place to live while you wait to move overseas, if you cant move now.
People get to a certain point where they can't change, or are scared to change, and will be stubborn to change, for many reasons (including religion).
So there is no use trying so hard. You have to be you, and surround yourself with people that support that ( fiance, friends, maybe other family). I admire the REAL you, and I am sure that your fiance fell for the REAL you as well. So don't put stress on other good relationships to focus on a relationship that is bringing you down. Its gonna take more then just living there to change it, maybe distance will be a good thing for this relationship. Like you said, sometimes relationships need that, to realize wants wrong. So don't put yourself in a situation that stresses you out this bad. Don't allow them to temporarily "change" you, because that was not the mission. The whole point was to show them the REAL you, not let them enforce you to wear a mask over the REAL you, and if they cant deal / wont accept who you REALLY are, there is no need for maintaining that relationship at that close level. Sure, that is your parents, and you want to keep in contact, but no use trying to live with them, in hopes they will change and you guys will be closer. You are a sweetheart and I admire your courage to do so, but that is just not your job anymore. No use stressing yourself out over it.
With that said, that is just my take on it. I wish you the best of luck with everything! Stay strong!
Oh,and GO GET SEX! lulz