_ghost

My Grandpa has cancer in 3 different places, his Lungs, Pancrea's and Liver. I saw mum on Sunday and she didnt tell me then, she just couldnt, but when i phoned her for a chat she couldnt keep it from me any longer. I tried my best to keep composed over the phone, but now i am worried that i came off as uncaring.

Without treatment he is expected to live for 5 more years.
But he starts treatment on January the 7th, the exact date my Grandmother died 5 years ago.
I dont know how much longer that gives him. He lives a 4 hour drive away, i cant drive, but i really want to see him more often.

When my Grandma died it was unexpected, Ive never been told that someone i love only has a certain amount of time left to live.

I spent last night alone in my room, illuminated by my red lava lamp, listening to Ben Kweller's 'Sundress' on repeat, sobbing and trying to distract myself by wrapping christmas gifts.

My best friend came in at 4am after working at the strip club. It was comforting to be hugged my tiny arms.