_ghost

Dear diary,
Im going to cut down my drinking. i know longer know my limits. i dont know when to stop.
we had a house party. i drank alot. argued with a girl who we asked to leave (due to her abusing my housemate the previous weekend) she didnt leave. and it really worked me up, the way she thought she could speak to lucy and i in our own house.
sobbed under the house with fletcher about the past.

went to rics. bought drink after drink. completely ignored my boyfriend. (although i was oblivious to this fact) hung out with fletch, and when i got a little too playful with him (dancing and grabbing his arms or whatever) he asked me not to do it and i got angry and abused him. i dont remember any of this. so not only did i manage to upset my boy, i upset my ex boyfriend too. go me.

i need to see my psychologist again. but i just dont have the time. or money. but im driving myself insane not talking to anyone about the confused way i am thinking and feeling.

im spending most of my time regretting something i said or did when i was drunk that upset someone i care about. and that i dont even remember doing. hating myself for days on end. and just wondering "why?"
what is wrong with my subconscious? why am i taking things out on the people closest to me?

Love Ghost.