Monday night. Fletch came over to pack up the rest of his stuff.
(saturday he came over sporting a neck covered in hickies from friday night, which heather saw and later told me about)
so he was wearing a scarf. which i appreciated. i went to the movies.
when i got home he was still there. no scarf this time. he lay on my bed talking to me.
i stared blankly at the wall. tears welling up. throat tightening. he kept asking if i was okay.
i couldnt speak.
all i could see were the purple bruises on his white flesh. one on his adams apple. bright purple.
he hates people touching his adams apple. let alone sucking on it.
so then i find out who this mystery girl is.
actually a friend of both of ours. (i even had a few photos of her in a previous blog) nice one.
i storm off and start to sob and hide away in my bedroom listening to zooey dechanels soothing singing. my housemate comes in, offers uncomforting words.
i throw up. it makes me sick. i dont want to feel this way.
I DONT WANT TO CARE.
i am a hypocrite.
but i cant help the way i feel.
i cheated (a kiss) on fletcher.
im dating the guy i cheated on him with.
but it still hurts me that he fucked one of our friends.
i just want it to go away.
i know i am being unreasonable.
i know i over react.
he comes in. asks if i want to talk. i say no and ask him to leave. i throw the cassette im listening to at the wall and throw anything near me around the room.
i stand by the door heaving. he asks for a hug goodbye. i hate his embrace. it kills me.
the girls face plagued my waking thoughts at intervals throughout yesterday.
i am determined to forget it.
nothing can take away the love fletch and i shared.
but its gone now.
and i cant waste my time being upset over something that is nowhere near as hurtful as what i did to him.
all i have are my memories. and thats all i need.
i just dont know if we are capable of being friends. and that hurts me the most.
he is the one i tell everything to, my closest friend. i cant lose that.
i may already have....
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
(saturday he came over sporting a neck covered in hickies from friday night, which heather saw and later told me about)
so he was wearing a scarf. which i appreciated. i went to the movies.
when i got home he was still there. no scarf this time. he lay on my bed talking to me.
i stared blankly at the wall. tears welling up. throat tightening. he kept asking if i was okay.
i couldnt speak.
all i could see were the purple bruises on his white flesh. one on his adams apple. bright purple.
he hates people touching his adams apple. let alone sucking on it.
so then i find out who this mystery girl is.
actually a friend of both of ours. (i even had a few photos of her in a previous blog) nice one.
i storm off and start to sob and hide away in my bedroom listening to zooey dechanels soothing singing. my housemate comes in, offers uncomforting words.
i throw up. it makes me sick. i dont want to feel this way.
I DONT WANT TO CARE.
i am a hypocrite.
but i cant help the way i feel.
i cheated (a kiss) on fletcher.
im dating the guy i cheated on him with.
but it still hurts me that he fucked one of our friends.
i just want it to go away.
i know i am being unreasonable.
i know i over react.
he comes in. asks if i want to talk. i say no and ask him to leave. i throw the cassette im listening to at the wall and throw anything near me around the room.
i stand by the door heaving. he asks for a hug goodbye. i hate his embrace. it kills me.
the girls face plagued my waking thoughts at intervals throughout yesterday.
i am determined to forget it.
nothing can take away the love fletch and i shared.
but its gone now.
and i cant waste my time being upset over something that is nowhere near as hurtful as what i did to him.
all i have are my memories. and thats all i need.
i just dont know if we are capable of being friends. and that hurts me the most.
he is the one i tell everything to, my closest friend. i cant lose that.
i may already have....
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
if you guys are meant to be friends in this life, then right now you need to be individuals. give it 6months and you will be able to sit in a room together without your hearts twisting in agony. been there. you will move on, but you wont if you stay in eachothers faces.
enjoy the new boy, focus on him xx
positive enrgy for you!................thanks for comment....