_felix_

maybe I could get over myself and forget about the opposite gender all together...*sigh* I mean there are other things to enjoy in life...
heh..just call me "the love junkie". It feels so good...until it all goes to shit.

ANYWAY I had a moment of clarity today...

Unfortunately...I keep saying I don't want a relationship..but in reality I think I've been misleading myself and everyone else. I don't want to get MARRIED. However, I would like to have a friendship/lover situation with someone that lasts more than a week or two...and I guess that is pretty much a relationship of sorts. I don't want it to be complicated and it doesn't have to fit a label...but I want a guy who wants to be around...just not every minute of every day. Even if it's a casual or open relationship, he needs to make me feel special and be considerate of my feelings. Lord knows I go out of my way to make men I'm involved with feel good. I'm tired of the carelessness I get in return. Be sweet to me, damn it!!!!

Now I've clearly defined it for myself. the next step is to ask for it. I need to start saying right up front..."this is what I'm looking for, if you are up for it great, if not go do your thing else where." There's nobody to say it to at this point, and I'm still feeling gun shy of getting involved with anyone casual or otherwise...but at least I'm getting clear on what I want.

Like Christina (ScarJo) in Vicki Christina Barcelona...
I've spent far to much time ONLY knowing what I don't want, with no clear picture of what I'm actually looking for.

I know no one is really all that interested in this shit...but I thank you for continuing to read my blogs anyway. You are all very supportive and I always appreciate the feedback.