_felix_

hello SGland.



lol.

except I don't feel that much like laughing right now. I'm doing ok, but it's going to take some time to have some semblace of what normalcy will be. He's moving out, and once he's done it's going to be a little strange to be alone in the home that we picked out together.

tough phone call with him this morning. he's crying. I'm crying. But we are doing this as amicable as possible. no one is mad, just devastated and sad. this is so hard, I still love him alot. BUt we can't unravel 6 years of a relationship in a single day..so it's going to take time to sort things out...eventually we may even be friends, but right now we need to try to limit our contact and get some space so we can heal. So, so hard. I want nothing more than to hug him and tell him I love him, but that would just make it harder.

I wish it didn't have to end..but I could just not see us ever breaking the cycle we were in with out a dramatic event like breaking up. we just seemed to enable each other to be people we didn't really want to be. I know this is best, just so heartbreaking...I had really wanted this to be a life long commitment...but it just couldn't be.


I know after the sadness eventually falls away I will be alright. With only me to think of I can start dreaming again and figure out what kind of life I want to build. that will feel great. but for now it's time to mourn this a little.

Also...I think I caught a cold. I know I've been crying alot, but I'm so sneezy and conjested and tired...somthing else is going on.

and lastly...I should be saving every penny right now, but I want nothing more than to do some "Shopping Therapy" and buy myself a big expensive gift using the credit card that I shouldn't use.