_fatalist

Contemplating my mood right now. I'm mixed on sad, depressed, angry and tired. I've been giving a lot of thought this morning to a conversation that I had with my exgf/ "friend". We both pretty much aknowledged that we lead two totally seperate lives on seperate walks of life. That when we talk, its usually about nothing except to complain about our parents or our situations and it all becomes routine and broken recordy. So my thought right now is that after X-mas, that we keep our friendship to online only. No more phone calls.

She seems to believe that fate or life brought us together for a reason. What was that reason? To break apart a marriage I didnt want? To eventually break my heart so I could learn a lesson? To help me grow up that much more? Who knows. All I know is that its been said and known that I am a dark mark in her life. Hell, one of the things her mother gave thanks for at this years Thanksgiving was that I wasnt there. Was I that bad? For fucks sake!!! I took care of her precious daughter as well as I could, given the circumstances. So she tasted what "real" life is like. Too fucking bad.

Anyways. Now that I typed that out, I just plain feel like shit. Its sad that I look forward to work so I can have solice from my thoughts.
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I want to go out tonight. Work people are meeting up at a bar after work, and I wanna hang out, but I have the kids. =/