Lastnight was a huge breakdown for me. So much so that it affected those I care about and dont want to lose completely. With the holidays coming up, its really hard for me to focus on the fact that at least I have my kids to spend it with. As much as I want/need someone to care for and love, and love me back, I just can't rely on that and mope around about it all day. Or season for that matter.
I have 2 checks of Unemployment left before its all gone. I'm a stress case right now and I am scrambling to find a job. I guess if I really wanted to, I could move to Canada to Vancouver and work for EA, but then I'd be a million miles away from my kids. So, would it be worth it?? I do love Canada and Vancouver area especially. But what sacrifices would I/ should I make? Its just so frustrating right now. I know I'm better then Starbucks, I know I'm better then an admin position. But is that what I should be shooting for till I get something more my style?
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I forced myself to get out of the house today. I ended up walking about a good 2-3 miles around this lake thats nearby. It was fun, since I had Connor with me. But I think I might have gotten a little burned. Oh well. I want to start doing this on a daily basis if possible. I'm tired as fuck because of it, but thats the good part. I'm sure if I did it alone, I would be able to clear my mind a lot more and just think about everything. Which is the reason for all this. Plus a self esteem boost. I want to get a cheapy mountain bike and bike around it. Maybe even a seat for Connor. We'll see. Or maybe even some roller blades or something. Who knows.
Ok, thats all for now.
I have 2 checks of Unemployment left before its all gone. I'm a stress case right now and I am scrambling to find a job. I guess if I really wanted to, I could move to Canada to Vancouver and work for EA, but then I'd be a million miles away from my kids. So, would it be worth it?? I do love Canada and Vancouver area especially. But what sacrifices would I/ should I make? Its just so frustrating right now. I know I'm better then Starbucks, I know I'm better then an admin position. But is that what I should be shooting for till I get something more my style?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I forced myself to get out of the house today. I ended up walking about a good 2-3 miles around this lake thats nearby. It was fun, since I had Connor with me. But I think I might have gotten a little burned. Oh well. I want to start doing this on a daily basis if possible. I'm tired as fuck because of it, but thats the good part. I'm sure if I did it alone, I would be able to clear my mind a lot more and just think about everything. Which is the reason for all this. Plus a self esteem boost. I want to get a cheapy mountain bike and bike around it. Maybe even a seat for Connor. We'll see. Or maybe even some roller blades or something. Who knows.
Ok, thats all for now.