_fatalist

Tomorrow after I drop off the youngest child, I am taking off to NorCal. Should be in the SF area around 8pm or so. This trip serves many purposes. To get my ass out of the house and travel, clear my mind. To visit my friend (ex gf), to drink profusely, and to take lots of photo's for my photography class. I plan on having...
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So its still being discussed, but it looks like I might possibly be taking a trip up to NorCal to visit my friend/ex gf for the weekend. No, no funny business. We both just need a friend right now, and I could use a sanity trip as well as a new location for pics for my photography class. And next weekend is the perfect time...
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OMG! I had the weirdest, and coolest dream lastnight. I dreamt that I cuddled nekkidly with Becky.


Weird.

Lastnight was a huge breakdown for me. So much so that it affected those I care about and dont want to lose completely. With the holidays coming up, its really hard for me to focus on the fact that at least I have my kids to spend it with. As much as I want/need someone to care for and love, and love me back, I...
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I really wish I could get out of this funk. No ambition, drive, motivation. Hate it all.

Oh, and Happy Halloween, Samhain, Dia De Los Muertos, whatever you want to call it. Hope you all have fun. Me? I'm not dressing up this year. Not in the spirit. I'm taking my youngest and we're gonna hit the streets alone. The oldest wants to hang out...
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Everything is stale. Food doesnt taste as good. Nothing appeals to me anymore. Sucks to be alone at the bottom.

Tired of being alone. Tired of rejection. TIred of life.

If ya'll care to look, I made a new album just for all the shots im doing in my photog class.

I know I don't write much in here. I'm sorry for that. But not much is really going on with my life, sadly.

I feel like I'm coming to terms with things. Well, more a numb state if anything. I have no clue what I'm going to talk about with the "shrink" tomorrow. Hmm.

I have a lot of photography that I need to do....
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I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.


ya, i feel old.

Im in a weird state. I feel like dying, but at the same time, I feel ok.

I also feel like im creeping people out. Its not intentional. But why should i care what online people think about me. Especially when none are anywhere near me. I guess im just fucking mental or something.

sometimes i wonder why i even bothered buying a years worth of this.