So much for re entering that long ass entry the other day. and now I can't remeber it so here's a new one.
Today I find myself grumpy. I feel like I got NO sleep and had to get up at the butt crack of dawn. Yesterday I read that researchers are saying every hour of sleep you get before midnight is worth four after. That makes sense. I start getting lazy around 9. I guess I should go to bed earlier than my usual 11-12. Plus my bed stinks though. Not literally, literally it smells bomb coz I used Surf detergent..snif.. mmmm. But my 'bed' is actually a pile of blankets, sleeping bags and egg crates on the floor. No wonder it fucking hurts to sleep! I've been hoping and waiting for the day we get a Select Comfort Sleep Numbers bed....
By the way if you haven't laid on this kind of bed yet you are missing out; get to the store and lie down on one and you'll be glad you did! (Either that or pissed coz now your bed doesn't seem so comfy.)
So, that. And my boi. Now that's a connundrum. I love him sooo much. He's the most awesome special person to me. I can't imagine not being close to him.
The prob is, I don't feel like we're really lovers. We've been together like two years now, and he still hasn't figured out what I like/want/hate in bed. Not that it hasn't improved a shit ton. Our fist kiss was terrible. I don't think his previous lovers bothered training him at all.
Anyway, I feel like I'm cheating him. He's always so horny (I know I know, he's a guy, what do I expect) and I just look at him with his look of desperation and his boner and I just want to give him a hug and hang out. Not that I'm not attracted to him either. He's a hottie.
I've tried showing him, hinting, explaining... Maybe it's just the chemistry between us. How is it we can be sooo connected in so many ways but this one?
GEEZ. I don't want to break up. I love this boi so much more than I've ever loved anyone. But I want to be fair to us both. Why can't he just be ok with an open relationship??? I bet if he watched me with a girl, and/or fucked some other girls, he might get the idea??
Hmmm. This is the issue I will be pondering all day.
-Do want to make a project out of this and set out to enlighten him and awaken my desire for him? Eh. So much work and frustration involved in that.
-Do I want to leave things as they are and maybe this 'phase' will pass? (We have had some amazing sex from time to time)
-Do I want to talk with him about this? Not really, we've gone through it before and both of us just ended up depressed.
Today I find myself grumpy. I feel like I got NO sleep and had to get up at the butt crack of dawn. Yesterday I read that researchers are saying every hour of sleep you get before midnight is worth four after. That makes sense. I start getting lazy around 9. I guess I should go to bed earlier than my usual 11-12. Plus my bed stinks though. Not literally, literally it smells bomb coz I used Surf detergent..snif.. mmmm. But my 'bed' is actually a pile of blankets, sleeping bags and egg crates on the floor. No wonder it fucking hurts to sleep! I've been hoping and waiting for the day we get a Select Comfort Sleep Numbers bed....
By the way if you haven't laid on this kind of bed yet you are missing out; get to the store and lie down on one and you'll be glad you did! (Either that or pissed coz now your bed doesn't seem so comfy.)
So, that. And my boi. Now that's a connundrum. I love him sooo much. He's the most awesome special person to me. I can't imagine not being close to him.
The prob is, I don't feel like we're really lovers. We've been together like two years now, and he still hasn't figured out what I like/want/hate in bed. Not that it hasn't improved a shit ton. Our fist kiss was terrible. I don't think his previous lovers bothered training him at all.
Anyway, I feel like I'm cheating him. He's always so horny (I know I know, he's a guy, what do I expect) and I just look at him with his look of desperation and his boner and I just want to give him a hug and hang out. Not that I'm not attracted to him either. He's a hottie.
I've tried showing him, hinting, explaining... Maybe it's just the chemistry between us. How is it we can be sooo connected in so many ways but this one?
GEEZ. I don't want to break up. I love this boi so much more than I've ever loved anyone. But I want to be fair to us both. Why can't he just be ok with an open relationship??? I bet if he watched me with a girl, and/or fucked some other girls, he might get the idea??
Hmmm. This is the issue I will be pondering all day.
-Do want to make a project out of this and set out to enlighten him and awaken my desire for him? Eh. So much work and frustration involved in that.
-Do I want to leave things as they are and maybe this 'phase' will pass? (We have had some amazing sex from time to time)
-Do I want to talk with him about this? Not really, we've gone through it before and both of us just ended up depressed.
Tuff call....