Wednesday Mar 21, 2007

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thank you all, you're so sweet.

all i have for right now is this:

thank you, universe!! i asked a question, and here is my answer!

Never face reality unless your reality is just the way you want it to be. --- Abraham

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when what you thought you knew for sure turns out to be wrong...

this past couple weeks has been full of soul searching for me.

i came out of it sure of only a few things in my life.. but fiercely sure and fiercely grateful for that.

but now one of the things in my life i was absolutely sure of, one of my main, strongest anchors, is now teetering on the edge and the suspense of 'will it be a close call or is this IT?' is killing me.

i can't stop shaking and i really don't know what to think, feel or do at this point.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
shawn has been out of town for his grandma's death and funeral for two weeks.

he came back a totally different person then i've known for eight years.

the first thing out of his mouth was that he hooked up with his sister's best friend while he was gone, and that she's awesome, and then that he had been re evalutaing his life, and then that he wants to stay friends, and now that he doesn't know what he wants.

and the past two weeks without him i had been analyzing my life and had all of these confessions i was planning to make about how much he meant to me and how i'm willing to be open to things i wasn't before(kids, marriage) with him....and things i plan on changing about myself and in our relationship and blah blah blah...

it all seems so foolish now, but at the time i was having these epiphanes they were some of the most sincere of my life.



haven't had internet for awhile, computer is in the shop. don't know when i'll be back..

seriously, i've never felt so lost or alone in my whole life. sorry to dump this on you guys but it's all i've got right now.

VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
smurf:
i wanna take you to a gay bar blush

Electric Six song....or good times? you decide wink
sitar:
namaste, and if i may be so bold,

I'm always happy to hear people use the word open,
"how i'm willing to be open to things i wasn't before".
please don't shut down and close just because things are tough.
please remain open, even if it is an opening to disapointment and sorrow.
your openness to the truth is your light and your gift to the world.
please continue to bless us with your light.
oh, and good luck manifesting trustworthy men.

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